I do realise that most people loosed their perspective their life once in a while. Not to mention, so do live their life up to the edge which will endanger themselves. Some will go nut over such things. I cannot imagine what is running through their head when there are living their lifes dangerously.
"There will always be two-sides of a coin" the quote kept pounding in my head. I can never forget those words. "Don't be naive enough to ruin your life with monkeys on your head". It pulled me back to the ground each time I will find myself loosing my grasp. It does make what I an today though.
Loosing my bestfriend over something ridiculous to be fighting about, to hallucinating on my previous relationship has cause me my focus in certain aspect, and it does scares me. The feeling of hanging on to the so-called fake-hope really hurts and it still does. Seeing him everywhere eventhough he is not here. I find myself hitting rock-bottom in all these mess.
Why do I feel so sad? Why does it happen not as swiftly as I expected? There are times I feel like I want to drown in my own tears and never want to wake up from this bad dream. I tend to consume myself with all kinds of comforting food, hoping for the pain to go away. But who am I lying ?
I have never lost a friend before, especially times like these. I hope she forgives me for loving her too much. I have never loss to my own emotion-battle, and this will be the first which caught me off guard. I feel like my world, my relationship, and my friends are all on my carpet and without knowing that someone had just pulled it right underneath my feet.
No actual emotions, just shades of gray. My canvas is not as colourful as before and looked a bit hideous. No actual shape, no cheerful colours as the paint above. Yet my hands are still moving, interpreting what I feel all these time. My mind is still playing games with me. it is a matter of time that I will look myself as the canvas that is full of vibrant colours. Finally, hot streams of tears running down my cheeks, wished that this matter will soon be over.