Thursday, 30 June 2011

The Farewell Email to My IBMers

Dear All my remaining agents,
As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of you generally: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong person to admit his/her mistakes - it takes a stronger person to attribute his/her mistake to me.

Over the past two years I’m in the TL position, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with a team with various and colourful habits- it became an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily matters, over problems, over issues.

I hate saying goodbye. But I'm trying to focus on all the fun times we've had over the last ~ who-knows-how-many years, and those memories are giving me some comfort. I like being able to look back on something and smile, and that's what I think I'll always be able to do with us.

Here are my personalized notes of farewell to those still remaining under the company:

To Najib, Huda, Rauhah, Yani, Dibah, F.Nadiah, Edra & Intan:  your wit, wisdom, minds and advices had proven me wrong and pushes me to be more mature for my ‘young’ age.

To Wani: Congrates new mama….too bad that I wouldn’t be seeing you when you come back from your maternity leave.

To Aminur: Congrates to for making one of the new RTFMs on the floor…I am so happy you finally move.

To Ain and Sumaiyah:  Thank you for all those times and making every arrangements possible.

To Anizan, Azri, Fitri and Farhan:  Thank you for all those crazy times you all challenge me with the "Major" issues during early of this year….. It took a while for me to pull you back into the right track….. all-in-all, trust me when I say it’s all worth it.

To Ayuni and Rosmanirah:  Don’t stop being your selves, I trust you have the willpower to become somebody, follow your instincts, and you’ll be just fine.

And finally; To Hushmee and Munirah:  My two power couple and current team-leads, thank you for believing me and pulled through for me all those times when I entrusted you both to secure the team with informations, acknowledgements and tasks.

I know that each of you either want to move up, or move out towards a better job.  Each and every one of you all have your own potential and don’t let other people tell you otherwise. Remember all the advices that I gave during our team meeting with Murni Manja….Please don’t ever forget….ok… Stick together and take care of each other. I do not want to hear any complaints regarding any one of you during this segregation period.

So, in parting, due to this new job, opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime. (Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.) This isn't a forever goodbye. While I don't know exactly when we'll see each other again, I do know that it will happen. Please keep in-touch and can be reached at my personal email address ( In the meantime, let's both try to focus on the positives in this situation, ok?....

Very truly yours,

Farrah Noreen

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

--Gilda Radner

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

This is exactly how I feel... now....very vunerable......

Terrified lyricsSongwriters: Dioguardi, Kara; Reeves, Jason;

You, by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong
You're the thing that's right

Finally made it through the lonely
To the other side

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life

And this could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse
Than knowing you're holding back

I could be all that you need
If you let me try

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only

I only said it 'cause I mean it
I only mean 'cause it's true
So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming
'Cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I'm without you

You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only

Monday, 27 June 2011

Am I wrong....?

When the says, "We live in the circle of life", or "Life is like the wheel, you can never know when you'll be at the bottom".... Pretty much I feel myself being at the bottom of the pit.....Too much things happening for the past week.... and so little time to complete it.... I see myself invisible, no where near to any prizes if there are any....

All I wanna say here is I lost..... I didn't get what I wanted... it was not meant to be mine anyway.... What I can do here is pray that everything is gonna be ok... everything is gonna be fine.... Oh... how I adore Julia Robert's character in "My Bestfriend's Wedding"...... from the beginning until the very end.... I felt that was me.... I really do.... and it is sad to be that "always the bridesmaid never the bride" kinda thing...

Sad sob story of mine will go on and on and on and on.............I know it is not wrong to adore people.... Am I right?? Right??? Right???? Still figuring out God's will and hopefully soon to hear(listen)....

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Blind-hearted or Blind-folded...?

I wished I knew what was going on..... I wish I was told for all the flaws that I have..... Tonight I asked one of my good friends, my best-guy-friend to come and meet me somewhere near his place..... I sat down with him and talk about life, about new start, and marriage(more on his side of the story).....Last year when we sat down and talk about life, it came to my attention that he said that he would want to settle down with an arrange marriage from his parents... he has already set his date.... 11.11.11.....

"Wow! that is great!!" It sounds so amazing but the cold, hard truth is until now still no suiter for his taste..... A lot of definitions and reasons were given for not getting the right woman that can win his heart*(more like his family's heart)....I was so surprised that for somebody who has the position, character, charisma and the security.... he has still yet to find his soulmate...... I feel for the guy, but as a brother and I felt pity about the situation that he is in.... The other complications that he has to faced is 2 different ladies are aftering him strongly.....

Not to mention, I was layed out about my side of the story.... he wanted to tell me what I was lacking off... but he witheld the information.... no matter how many times I tried and tried to reason out.... to persuade and effect him to get the information, he still refuse to tell.... I got dumbfounded, told him that I was about to go home and left the scene.... Of course as always, he walked me to the car and let me go off safely...... I am still hanged and did not know what to do.....what that he was about to say....

He is a brother to me, and I am upset about the things that he is not telling me...... *Sigh*.... so then I would just have to ignore it completely...Ya Allah SWT, what exactly are You testing me here? Why can't I see what's wrong with me...? I hope to get the answers soon..and I pray to Thee(Allah SWT), so at least....You could help to simplify or lessen the burden that I'm carrying all these years.....Amin.....

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Setia ke tak????

Ni aku ada cite baru lak.... ada lak sorang mamat ni... aku rasa macam ketegaq pun ada.... tapi tak elok cakap pasal family member macam tu.... Aku ada lah lepak2 kat ofis dia.... kawmen sonok lagi member bila dapat hadiah dari aku lah kan.... aku siap tolong pasangkan & set up kan sekali.... tah naper tah... masa aku set upkan hadiah dia, msg masuk...

Dgn "tak sengaja" nye, aku "teropen" msg mamat ni.... kawmen berbunga lagi mamat ni dapat msg dari sorang awek ni... aku pun pa lagi... dah peluang nak tgk, aku baca lah sampai habih!!!! "Hi soul guardian, as I was lying down on my bed thinking of what ever happened these past days.... yadda yadda yadda.... ...feels like I can't wait to make love to you... yadda yadda yadda..." Aku rasa geli tekak, deh!!!!!

Yang best tu... check balik HP lama... byk nye rahsia mamat ni..... byk sungguh msg2 macam ni dalam HP dia.... itu aku tak kisah lagi... si Awek selekeh ni dah ada hubby lak tu.... Hei, pompuan... dah tu aku ni sapa? Dok terkedek2 dgn jantan orang, jantan ko sendiri tak nak jaga!!!! Aku dah confront mamat ni... dia kata pompuan ni orang gile, kenalan dia kat ofis.... Ekau pun satu, nak kelentong aku pun, agak2 lah wei... macam aku ni masih kecik lagi nak men tipu2...

Ni aku tak habaq mai kat ex dia n GF dia sekarang.... isyk... nak kene orang tua ni.... then, masa check bill HP, kata bill dia melambung.... pastu merungut.... bila aku check balik, nombor pompuan gatal tu banyak..... aku geram betul lah.... Eh eh eh.... macam ni pun ada ka??? Ah lantak lah.... dosa pahala, ko jawab lah dgn Tuhan... aku dah buat bahagian aku.... aku tak nak terlibat.... Tapi, wa panas beb!!!!!! Cilakak nye betina.....Aku cukup tak suka bila mamat ni buat macam ni.... tak reti nak setia pada yang satu... tu pun dah jadi Ex.....

Dah lah... aku labuhkan cerita kat sini.... Main point.... suma laki tak leh pakai.... baik sayang diri sendiri, lagi bagus.....

Monday, 13 June 2011

People with their poker-face on!!!!!!

I used to know and love reading other people's faces and expressions, and I was damn good at it..... Calling other people's bluff.... walking human lie-detector....but after a while not practising, it had became rusty and unreliable.....

Anyway, that was not the reason I'm here...Sometimes when I thought that I knew anybody in and out... Man... was I wrong.... I tried guessing about certain things which are happening to me and honestly speaking, it is very confusing..... I sat down with this one aquentance of mine....This person happens to become one of my friends here....Playing these "hot and cold" games which are very irritating.....At first it was, is as if giving all these stories as reason to gain attention.... All I can think off is how can a person live like this and not talk about it with an honest heart...? I gave in-a-little just to know a little bit of truth out of all these stories that was shared.... after a while I got to know about the history / background....

I literally found out just now that there were times, some of my friends here saw this person responded in such a weird way.... or should I say...being a little sensitive / jealous.... Haha, what do I care... As if it changes everything. The funniest thing I heard was, this person had changed.... That's funny because despite of whatever had happened these past few months, we did not meet eye-to-eye on a lot of things.....I have my own stands as I am firm with my own principles.....nobody can change that except for me alone....

I was patient and stubborn enough to stick around....All these things that was shared, it began to make me feel guilty for being suspicious.....I was also warned and pre-informed about all this person bad habits and such.... Taking my own risk to go through this.... "Padan Muka aku" or "I told you so" popped into my mind....I began feeling regret of sticking around.....As what I have experience for these past weeks, I'm just a nobody in whatever-you-wanna-call-this-confusing-situation.....not able to turn back,  just need to fall out...All I can say, now...this person can do whatever as pleased.... I don't wanna get involved, I don't wanna know.... I don't wanna care...I think I have every rights to speak my mind..... People around me can say what they want....I don't give a damn about this....

Tired of being played... I tired or should I say I'm exhausted....If you're reading this.... you really can go and leave me have your own life, why should you include me in it...? I'm invisble to everybody, for all I care....

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Flash backs.......

Hmmm... I wonder how life turn into a spinning wheel... There are times that we are at the top and sometimes we are at the bottom of the pit. Today, I found out that one of my friends faced such difficult situation where he was conned about $40k by a person who had presented with a legitimate and legal documents for some sort of a tender/job.... the end of the day only to find out that the person he dealt with ran off with his cold hard cash and left with nothing. That is a very expensive lesson to be learned. Only that this time, it was the wrong step he took that lead to such guilty decision. I felt sorry for him and felt helpless not able to lend a hand.
That is one situation, I have another situation.... I find myself feeling upset and relieved at the same time. It was like when I was in college, I use to like this person so much that we were comfortable with each other.....Then I found out that he likes this gurl in our class and ask me if I could help him woo her.... and dumb enough I did.... I kept telling myself, "it is all worth it....besides, its gonna be ok...." Boy, who was I kidding at that point... As I helped him out.... I couldn't express the painful feeling of tormented by watching this person I care most was wooing another gurl....
I kept myself off radar, lay myself low... almost invicible......I avoided seeing him then as he began to realize that he was seeing less and less of me......He did approach me once to ask me what was going on.... avoiding him and such.... I kept quiet and walk out on him.....I remembered that his bestfriend used to come and approach me to ask me the very same question, I told him what was going on.....I learned during that time, his friend felt he had lost me completely.....What can I say at that point of no return..... I did feel like I was in the way....and so, I kept my distance for a while longer until I came to find out he graduated and moving back to his hometown....
We kept in touch on and off, ond and off... for straight 7years until he stopped calling me after finding out I had hooked up with someone from the office. I didn't realize that it was also a big impact on him. Several years went by, then I received a phone call from him after a long time, he was in the east Malaysia....He was getting engaged.... He called me to deliver this news on the engagement day itself. I broke down cried and congratulate him..... I was shocked....Finally he was heading down the aisle.... He invited me to his wedding, which was in 1 months time.... I had decided not to go.... I was happy for him, but not strong enough to see him on the Wedding Throne....He called me before and after his solumnization(Akad Nikah).... I literally cried, gave him all the all the support I can.... and that was it.....The longest crush I had to a guy....
Then.... after a long time.... I came to realize, I can never trust any other person as much as I trust him.... Even though a lot of rough patches on trusting anybody(male), I kept everything to myself... each and every decision that was done, I took risks on fulfilling the requirements.... I layed everything on risk and instincts.....not to mention, trying to heal myself on trusting people.....I think everybody deserves to be given a chance on trying again and succeeding......

Saturday, 4 June 2011

All are b/sh!t !!!!!!!!

Why do I find myself being stuck somewhere I don't really know how to describe it....? I reminded myself to always have a positive mind about things, including relationships. Sometimes, people around me always say that it all depends on fate and God's will, a little hope and a battle to fight. I have always been the one who let all the good fishes go and let fate decide everything for me. I honestly say that I hated it.... I really hated it.....I'm always the one who are invisible around the people I care about.... (or so to speak)...

I looked around me, listening to other people's struggles and hardship, at the end of their journey, ending up together and happy. Always feeling envious and jealous of the blissful moments that I seek all these time. I know it is not right to force things to be in perspective but it does open my eyes and make me look the other way.... Being in denial is one thing, being completely ignored is another.

Somebody once said in one of the blogs, 'apply "it will return to u in short time" '.... I find that amusing because it feels like I've been pranked by fate.... "Not to give up and always be stay positive" <~I used to say these things to other people because there are time that they, themselves need hope to stay strong during rough times. But it totally doesn't work on me....none at all. I've tried but I'm tired lying through my teeth about these things. All emotions such as loneliness, heart broken, down, unmotivated, routine and robotic, etc.....are clearly overwhelming.....*sigh*....

Whenever I find myself liking a guy, it will definitely ends up: he likes another girl, or he is eyeing for someone particular and ask for my help, I became his safety net if things were to happen , or the worst one, hell become my buddy as my job to hook them. Then, talking about my competition, they usually are unbeatable. One thing in common for all the situations I went through, guys go for their looks and figures. Chicks will always know how to convince/communicate to guys in doing things out of the ordinary....They also became all goo-gooed eyes and lovey-dovey all of the sudden whenever they are with their partners.... I won't deny that I use to be that way, nature's will...what can I say.... but it does rub on me and get me all irritated, especially when that guy knows I like him as he shows off.

Whatever may come my way next time, I really wanna say, "hey boy, look my way, I'm here, you know....!!!! Did I ever tell you that I fancy you? But you didn't and won't give the time of day to look my way, so I kept everything to myself, what do you care...You won't be mine anyway... there's the door, you can let yourself out, bye bye!!!" It definitely changes everything....

Talk about feelings...*scoff*. That person, by far, ignored me as he will always eyeing for somebody else....I'll always be the one to bare it all....(Boys, you know who you are.... if you keep up with all you dirty games and unneccessary relationships, you should be ashamed of yourself.....Better stop before you get're not 16yo anymore, for God sake!!!) So, readers... let me ask you this... if you were is this kind of position, what would you do?