Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Books... Books.... Oh How I Miss 'em....

Hmmm...It has been like forever since the last time I blogged in. Well today it was a better day than other days, for me... The sky was a bit cloudy, not to mention the environment was a bit laid back. Now I found myself a bit more relax doing (whatever that I'm doing) in the office...

As strolled from page to page on the 'www', it has taken me back to my past reading materials. I came across a few remarkable authors along the way... Sidney Sheldon, Deepak Chopra, Mitch Albom, Dan Brown, Cecilia Ahern, Harriet Evans, and JK Rowlings together with Nicholas Spark books, these are my most favorite authors of all time. Mind-boggling, I must say.

It has always fascinated me as I have always wondered how these people do their home work before starting to write books. I have watched a documentary on JK Rowlings as she reeling the watchers her 17 years work on ending the Harry Potter chronicles. It is amazing when you watch them and listen to how they answered each and every question for the documentary, using big chunk of words that you don't even know exists in the dictionary.

Another author that I admire most is the late Sidney Sheldon. I read this one book called "Tell Me Your Dream"(1998), it is about three young women Toni(outgoing singer and dancer), Alette(sweet and shy artist) and Ashley(workaholic) have nothing in common, and yet 'sticks' together. Ashley became very paranoid of herself, until one day she got arrested by the police on charge of murder. Well, might be she was wrongfully accused. For those who haven't ready the book, I'm not giving away the surprise, you would have to read it yourself, kay...tee hee hee... The storyline was so interesting, it had me gripped to the book. This 363 page book took me 1 full day to finish it, when it usually takes me about 3 days to finish. Hats off to the ol' man I'd say.

The other book that I have read was "Tuesdays with Morrie"(1997) by Mitch Albom. This story is interesting because how the writer describe his bond with his former retired professor, Morrie Schwartz. Basically this is a memoir of the beloved professor. The writer wrote that contacted his professor after one night when he sees Morrie being interviewed television. Morrie has a deteriorating terminal disease. He was already in a wheelchair. And so, the writer sets back to where Morrie was in his last few months and spends time with him. He is yet to discover that there are a lot more that he needs to learn. One quote that I love most from this book, 'Quoting Morrie's favorite poet, W. H. Auden, he insisted to "love each other or perish"'.

I also remembered my dad and I use to read together "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams (based on Creating Affluence)" by Dr.Deepak Chopra book, when I was thirteen, fourteen years old. The material is as heavy as the title. As you all know, being a teenage is like all-hell-break-loose between parents and their kids. Somehow, my dad was able make me see things in different perspective and make me understand more about life. Books were definitely the ice breaker to my adolescence years as reading kept me grounded.

Each of the books that I've read are precious to me, it taught me to open my eyes widely and understand how world have impacted each and everyone who reads. It takes your mind into imagining things, places, in other words an open door to all possibilities. Anything is possible by reading.

Sunday, 27 November 2011

A little something, something...

Sorry guys for not posting for several weeks now... As all of you have known, these past couple of weeks I was quite sick, a bit delusional due to the high fever and bad cough. I even lost my voice. Some say it was troublesome to actually listen to every word that I say since I was literally whispering to them.

Thank god that I manage to rebound out of the sickness, gain back my voice and try to move on with my life day by day. I can say that my days were full of ups instead of downs. I totally have my share when things doesn't fall into place, I got isolated... I thought I could hide it until somebody actually come up and ask me of it. I didn't realize that it was that obvious to their naked eyes.

Oh well, it was a part of the daily experience. I can't force everybody to like me. As my dad always reminded me, "keep an arm's distance from your friends"... I can relate to what he is trying to teach me, and I bet you daddies out there can relate to this.... Most dad will remind their child/children that they are not going to be here forever, correct each mistakes you made, protect you from harm and heal those broken hearts. But they'll teach you how to be firm, wise/intelligent, loving and street smart... You may not like the idea of having strict parents, but they'll be the voices in your head until the day you die and will always keep you grounded.

I cannot even imagine without them or loosing neither of them. While I was ill, I sat down with my dad, going through my meds and doing some catching up, out of the blue, comes the big question.... Have you found a suitor for yourself? Looking into his eyes, I was quite certain he is worried that his only daughter will not be settling down anytime soon... Nothing much for me to say really except for "none so far, find for me one*chuckles*"... Pitiful, right... Anyway, I can't believe that he still ask about Razman and all.... Speechless from my side.

Moving on:: As soon as I was well, I was completely, utterly hopeless and broke...Not to mention, how much I missed singing whenever I was down and pathetically lonely... Yes, people... Lonely!!!! It is not a crime to admit oneself is lonely, all of the sudden. I do have a strong feeling that I am not at all good at keeping my man(if I ever to get one)...Anyway, everyday is a new start... and I want to spice up my life a bit... So, the word change is so yesterday, people.... Re-vamp is more likely. 

Honestly speaking... I have completely no idea where to start....Any ideas, guys?

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Playing by ear....? Kidding is it?

I was just browsing through the You tube and came across this piece, "Wang Lee Hom - Ni Bu Zhi Dao De Shi", piano by Ray Mak.... somehow moved me. I know that I can never play a song this good on a piano without a sheet to read....Hmmm, I miss playing so much..... It has been so long since I'd played, a lil out of practice....
This is another song played ny Ray Mak, the song "Wedding Dress -  Taeyang" it is also a song which soothes me....The chords looked easy, until he got into the 1st verse.... when he reached the Chorus and Bridge.... the song is so moving, it just to me awe and completely gaga over it....Props to this man for coming up with the arrangements for all the song he played....

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Kalut.... kalut...

Dah lah kene tag... jumlah orang yang mengikut tak de lah seramai 11 orang... tapi hentam saja lah

Ni antara rules nya:

•Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their jurnal.
•Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create eleven new questions for the people you tagged to answer .
•You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them to the post .
•Go to their page and tell them you have tagged him/her .
•No tags back .
•No stuff in the tagging section about you and tagged if you are reading this, You legminately (aka really,trust with all honestly) have to tag 11 people .

11 things about myself:
1. Typo error(as always) whenever I type using my Blackberry
2. Fun, loving, cute and easy to go along with(hehehe ^_^)
3. I am a sucker for things concerning ...(fill in the blanks)
4. Being the safety net /  a shoulder to cry on for my friends are never easy; but
5. I'm not a stingy person when motivating others during their down times
6. Did I mention lately I keep on falling on my knees(Gosh, that is not a pretty scene)....CLUMSY!!!!
7. I simply love, love, love sushi and lots and lots of wasabi
8. Tend to make all sorts of special effects and sounds when I know I'm stressful....
9. I love to drive, karaoke, and hanging out with friends 
10. Definitely Cappucino Macchiatto on a go, people
11. I am kind of an abuser.... because I am on FB, BBM and YM all the time... Hehehehe

11 questions by ::Mr Iqhwan:: needed to be answered:
1.-bpe kali anda trhempas enset anda?
* A lot.. lost count already
2. -pernah bnpk antu x?
* You know the answer
3. -pernah senyum sorg2 x? (mcm skrg..haha)
* Ahhh... don't flatter yourself, chump....
4. -bju taun lps kaler ape?
* A lot, take your pick
5. -tahukah kamu tasik Galilee hampir kering?
* Yes... googled it up already
6. -tahukah kamu bahawa zaman Mesolitik,Neolitik & segala tik tik tu X WUJUD & juga sbnrnye AGENDA barat?* And also yes.... thanks to an anonymous person whom posted the clip in FB
7. -hari sabtu adalah hari non plastic day..betul atau salah?
* Correct
8. -tadi bangun tido pukul bpe?
* Morning? 7-ish....
9. -kamu ada insuran x?
* Nope, why, want to sponsor me is it? Hehehe
10.-pandai melukis x?
* Definitely not, i can only draw stick figures or better known as hangman
11. -ada bela kucing x?
* Yes... a few actually.... nah.... a lot ....

11 questions you are required to answer:
1. What was your ambition when you were a kid?
2. Everybody has a wishlist, what was your no 1 wish?
3. Are there any funny(kelakar) memories that you can still remember until now?
4. Have you tried eating raw oysters before?
5. Do you play any sorts of musical instruments?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. Who would be your biggest idol?
8. What's your favorite quote ?
9. Give me a piece / verse of a song and its title that came into your mind now.
10. Which type of music do you listen to mostly? Pop, ballad, techno, musical, etc(answers can be more than one)
11.Do you have any birthmark on you?

These are my selection of people:

Tuesday, 1 November 2011


Damn it.... Just because of one stupid argument, she would rather siding that guy than keeping her nose clean from my fucking issues....hah..."this is great, this is wonderful" *sarcastically*.... this is the "beautiful life".... What more do I want except for making enemies with everybody.....*Sigh*

I do have issues with myself, so's not like people  give a damn about me.....they just have their own lives to live in their own terms....*scoff*....

You once told me that I have issues of not able to see other people being happy.... And why would I do that? So clouded, with all the drama and arguments and upsetness, you forget the very base thing, I don't have to explain everything to you about how I feel regarding things...

I have never asked you why you don't like the friends I'm befriended with.... I have NEVER judged and critizised about the lifestyle you're having.... You can say that I am all heavy about friendship that sometimes it scares the shit of everybody.... You may kinda know the idea what I went through when I was a kid... but not the exact way I felt for all those years... So please don't.... This is the only way I know how....

I have every right to choose and dismiss any of my friends when any of his/her action affected me... I have never ever choose to unfriend you under ANY circumstances, it totally broke me apart when you choose to unfriend me instead regardless when I told you not to intervine and walk away....

You want a direct answer regarding him, right... Here is my answer, he doesn't deserve your friendship when he can't even keep one....An honest true friend will tell you good and bad of things. If he is a 'true' friend / companion, he will respect you as others would and not use you as some sort of a tool to him.... He can be pissed at me all he wants, he has to also  have to reconsider that if he were to be in my shoes, what would he feel when he really wants to keep intouch with this friend of his for all these years has purposely been ignoring him, won't he feel hurt about it...? (Don't give that bull saying he has no time, I'm just a phone call away)....

True, "tak menyusahkan langsung"......true, I sounded emotional.... but it is NOT TRUE that everything is about you....true, he has done no harm to me.... But it is NOT TRUE that it is NO HARM to my best friend, that is definitely the issue here...

Please FORGIVE me for the misunderstanding, SORRY for those stupid arguments, but I'm NOT SORRY for any of my actions....please respect that I chose to be this way, and I think it's for the best for the both of us (him and me).....Loosing me won't affect him on a slightest bit, trust me, I know.... 

P/S: Talking about being selfish.... I do sound like I'm the bad guy here, I'll admit to that.... but please stop hurting her this way.

Monday, 24 October 2011

No Sleep???!!!!

Babah's Birthday is in a week's time, and I don't even know what to get him..... There are times where I sat down by myself and look up at the sky, thinking how peaceful it is... It has been a long time since the last time I've ride a plane...I really wanted to board a plane and go off for a trip, on a holiday..... I really think that for these past few weeks, I have been stressful and under pressure...

Not to mention, Alhamdulillah, it has been so long since the last time I encountered of those "medium-thingy".... Until recently... Came in the dark, during times that I was about to go to sleep..... figured like a man, I can only see it is in black figure, not able to see it's face...I realized that my heart pounded very hard each time I encounter this thing.... *scaaaa-ryyy* I have always kept Him in mind, never to loose sight, pray to him for comfort......

This song is by Wang Lee Hom - Xin Tiao.... I felt it is speaking how I'm doing right now... I hope as time past on... I'll heal too...

Monday, 17 October 2011

My Prayers ~ Enraen Haferr

I hope you find your way tomorrow
I wish you well and have a safe journey home
I wish for the best on facing your obsticales
I pray for your success in life
"You can do it...Good luck.... I'm all the way with ya", somehow fate will be on your side
No matter how hard it is, you will know people will always have faith on you....
I know you can.... I know you can....

For every beginning must come to an end
And every ending enters there must be a paraphrase of new beginnings
But I know my prayers will not stop until I see you succeed
I must come to an end to make way for your new beginning
Watching from afar, I know you are in good hands
I will always be here within a single prayer...

~Enraen Haferr

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

The feelings grew even stronger and I hate that feeling....

Hmmm... where do I begin?
I had fun going for the holiday trip with a bunch of friends....
It was merry and happy and jolly and .... Summing it was wonderful....
Too bad that I do not have any pictures to share with you just yet since I requested for one of my friends to take pictures for them in this trip......

Anyway.... As everything goes well, I find myself not being able to express myself in words.... Last night was the climax of this whole trip, suddenly urges of sad feeling, upset, and  numbness sinks in. I was OK at first when one of my ex agents came by to join. As soon as he went home, it struck me... and suddenly I was feeling a gush of emotions holding me on a standstill. I set my self to the side, sat on the pavement, looking out to the sea.... Waves of tides coming in... My mind wondered around...

At that point on, I was having a monolog and 'what if' moments inside my head... I remembered that I was actually visualizing the possible scenario when it comes to stand up and voice out about how I actually felt for this one guy. I hate saying this but I really thought I was having a irrational crush on the guy....and then something happened and everything changed. As normal and used to be, I walked away and never looked back. There were a few hiccups here and there, arguments and misunderstandings, but it was manageable.

I thought I'm over it.... I thought it was done.... I thought I had already convince myself that thing would never ever be the same that I have to move on....But boy, was I wrong about that. The feelings grew even stronger and I hate that feeling....

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Good Luck ol' friend!!!!

Hmmm.... I feel that this life of mine is almost complete(**key word: almost...) .... was a bit weird that last night I have been approached by Anonymous asking me to keep myself away from a friend that I knew....Reason:: Need to prep him for some big exam....  It is reasonable for that person to say such things as some of the explanations do make a little bit of sense.... And I also smell threat coming from this person eventhough he/she meant well and doing his/her job as my friend's mentor...
Yeah, whatever it is that this person asking for, he/she better have all the cheats and tricks up his/her sleeves as big time guidance needed to be given... I do, I really do respect the wish that he/she is asking for but don't stress and break my friend apart for the exam that he/she wants him to pass...

As a friend, just a reminder for myself::

"Be not selfish of things or what you do. Be reasonable and understandable of situations that just maybe a day I come learn and acknowledge why it had happened in the first place."

To my friend who is facing his exam, Good Luck! I believe you will make wonders and you know whatever the result is I still have your back...k....Don't forget to smile and put those worries away,k.....

Monday, 19 September 2011

There goes my money....

It all happened on Friday(16th Sept 2011).... 1st auntie came down to stay with us for a few nights for a gathering that we had...My mom and I had already planned it out to recite the Yassin and perform Tahlil amongst my aunts and uncles during the 'kenduri'.... most of the invitees came and helped out. As soon as 1st Auntie came here, I knew it's gonna be trouble.... I had already planned out my offer to decline the idea of going shopping, and it looks like she took it hard.

And so..... the 'Kenduri' went well... everybody goes home with a big smile on their faces.... I can vouch to say on behalf of them, I was impress my mom tend to 'open up the house' this year with a event such as this..... And I was happy that events like this should be arrange more offen. Anyway....everybody was already tired, and went to bed early.....

The next morning came.... I thought that I could at least sleep a little while.... then my mom came in, woke me up and ask me to do her a favor~that is to take her sister out for shopping spree...Vaguely i remembered she saying, "Why do you refuse to sent her?"...and I said, "I hate the sight of massive extraordinary jam in town"..... this is where hell starts.... one thing that I can't really refuse, when mum have that urges to ask,instruct or beg to do something abnormal....I was unhappy and upset, but it was my mom's wished, so I obeyed.....just imagine that waking up to a 4.30am sleep and waking up at 8.40am.... Groggy!!!

Moving on.... went out at 10.40am.... reach another town to pick up my other Aunt....we left her house at 12pm to go to One Utama.... the ridiculous thing about this auntie.... she is a big 'Slowpoke'... everything is according to her time.....As we reached OU, we went down to eat and then starts to shop.... We went to Parkson on the New Wing, then had food in 'Just Thai' between time... my 2nd Auntie was on the phone most of her f*cking time and forgot that she is actually out shopping with us.... Grrrr....
Then, my 2nd auntie told me that we are going to an open house and need to wait for her friend(whom will be coming from Melawati)....we waited for her friend about 1 1/2 hour and ending up cancel the trip... giving reasons that the jam was massive and unable to attend.... my 2nd auntie was also undecided to go for the open house, just that she hadn't had any clue how to get there... the instructions were a blur....So I drove to the address given...

Stayed there for a while and head back to my 2nd Auntie's house.....As we dropped off my 2nd Auntie... my 1st Auntie was determine to go back to OU to catch a movie.... And so we headed back to OU...My 1st Auntie had gone down for prayers and I was left at the movie to buy the tickets.....took the 11pm to catch 'Fright Night 3D'....

As I was waiting for her in such grogginess.... I was running a lot of things through my head... I thought I wanted to cancel the movie trip, send her back and go out again to watch it with one of my friends....I blew her off on several occasions and things that I can't really explain why was in this hell-hole...Shared the idea with my 1st Auntie, and she was not please... kept on rambling about "...I want to...", " we planned, remember?", "...I wanna stay and watch it with you..." shit...And so I played along...We went to watch the movie, by the time we came out, I was already feeling sleepy and lousy....we head back to our house and I thought that was it....

And so, this morning I thought I wanna sleep in for the day and start it out a little bit later.. but no..... she came in early to wake me up to request a trip to TAR road....there and then I said that I'll just go through with it... We arrived there at 2.30pm, had lunch and set for the streets...So, the day's event was ~ so-so... followed her around and to find hijjabs and material for 'Baju Kurung' was unbelievably I mentioned before... A woman, When it comes to shopping, if she were to be sick can instantly recover from her sickness...Goodness.... Alhamdulillah I'm not like that....

We came home at 6.30pm and set for dinner at 8.30pm....went to Papparich in Tmn Sri Gombak... came home at 9.30pm... and guess what? As I was about to park her car, the gear was in 'P' mode...I can't push the car manually, and I went back into the car, with my right-leg dangling outside the driver-side door to put it on 'N' mode.... I didn't know what happen, the gear goes to 'D' and the car starts to move.... Damn!!!! I lost control of the car, and scratch her car at 3 sides, the front driver's door, the middle and the back door at my brickwall gate...(it was a bloody Honda City for crying out loud..... Damn!!!)

All I heard was the friction of the car and my auntie's voice saying, "No!No!No!what did you do...?What have you done?"...Yadda Yadda Yadda... all the rambling starts again...I kept on apologizing....but the thing I heard was "My car!!" Err, hello.... foot outside of the door here...I remembered once upon a time, when I had that kind of accident, the first thing my parents ask was, "are you ok?"... *Sigh*

I don't know what to say....really..... I just walked up to my mom and told her I was so sorry about what had happened...Trembling and shaky, I walk to my room slowly and never I had imagine that there goes my money again....

Monday, 12 September 2011

Whirlwind Experience

The Cary Brothers - Belong

Second day of Raya....*sigh*... I had to make the call... I had to call off the whole friendship/couple situation and finally made a stand of declining my ex from playing around my feelings. I wonder, what would men gain from having a lot of girlfriends / scandals despite of they know that these girls would get hurt in the end? What for? Why? I refuse to get into such unhealthy relationship with whomever who has the intentions on having multiple-relationships simultaneously. And I was definitely out!!!!!

Then, on the Fourth day of Raya...came along another individual into my so-called "arena"(attention).... Gave all these ideas of wanting a lot of things, wanting an open relationship... shared a lot of ups and downs within 3-4 hours conversation....What a "Whirlwind Experience"....

*Sigh*... I find it entertaining, stable and clicked with him instantly....What a dreamy situation I had myself into and it was too good to be true.... very surreal... If I were to have a checklist about my type of guy, this individual would definitely have the most demands that I wanted. Closing to a week old, this so-called friendship is hard to describe, almost poison-like, nonetheless calling it a relationship....!!

When a week has past, I felt slowly that I've been ignored.... I was advice by a couple of close friends quite sometime ago, saying that "you should test this guy, have him a little run for his 'money'", or "you should confront him for his intentions..." or "better ask him how he feels about this situation..." They pretty well know that I despised testing other people, confronting or asking directly how he felt about anything.

*Sighing sadly* Finally I've faced my fears and come to know, I had just walked into a door as it comes back hitting me on the face....Wow... nearly melodramatic and very hurtful feeling. Despite embarrassment and pain, it was a little too much for me to handle. This is where voices came into my head saying, "I told you so".

'You are not mine to begin with....You are not mine to begin with....' kept on pounding in my head.... How much I hate using those words..... I hate this feeling, being insecure, uncomfortable and a handful of painful emotions..... Too easy to fall for the inevitable..... That's it... I'm not going to waste my time and feelings over something/someone which is not mine....

There....!!! I've said it.... I've finally found the answer that I was looking for, it does in a way hurt me.... but honestly speaking....I'm glad that I am able to find out about it sooner.... Better than later on, then it would hurt me even more.... Damn!!! Damn!!! Damn!!! Why was I caught up in this mess in the first place??

Monday, 22 August 2011

Sam, Kurt and Tom Hanks....Yale 2011

OMG...How I love Sam Tsui's voice and Kurt Hugo Schneider talent... this is a guys whom actually enjoy their music and the talents amongst friends... Somehow, no matter what songs that they sung, his voice manage to calm me down and make my worries disappear...... How about this speech given by Tom Hanks at their Graduation Day in Yale a few weeks back.....

This is why such speech are so inspiring....I wish I could write as good as that

Monday, 15 August 2011

Feeling Down and Pressure Up

People around me always seems so happy in so many ways.... Walking around with their family, friends, lover, husband, wife, children.... With smiles on their faces left me in doubt... Questions that kept on popping into my mind is: What are they thinking about? Sometimes, face-expression and body language can be so deceiving, it makes you head spin.

Today, I went out to have dinner with a bunch of friends... At first everything was perfectly fine until I've dropped one of them home, only then I realize how misarable I have been for the past days... 4days have past, still confuse with situations which has its turning point within a split of a second... People in love, a person grow out of love, girls getting engage after raya, a bunch getting married, a person is hurt, another couple ending their marriage and another ending their engagement...a person is in love with another bunch of people's relationship and another just standing on the sidelines, watching over a person that he/she love  from afar.......

Really dreadful week.... What did I get myself into.... Talking about being very disturb and craving on the sorrowness of others putting me is terrible state of patheticness...I've always said that I will always become this hideous person where I became a safety net for every person that I find myself involved with.....and each everytime I came to like someone.... he either is in or gonna be in a relationship with another girl... and always been the one that put on a smiley face and say to myself, "it's gonna be ok, I'm gonna be ok...." Yeah right....

I've always wanted to fight back and say, " Why her and not me....?" It became a tremendous pressure that it really puts a toll on my now as I looked back in time for every action that I did.... I can defy, saying I've always retreat and not pushing it(not fighting  for it).....I am tired as I mentioned before in the previous blog).....Always feel envious of other people's relationship, and stupid enough to say that what happens not doesn't matter.....

Well it DOES MATTER!!!! Hell yeah it matters to me.... I thought I had found my (guy) soulmate.... but he doesn't belong to me.... "let fate decide"? Huh.... who are we kidding.... If I don't work on it, you think God will just drop you a guy that has something on the forehead says, "I'm your soulmate"?... Not a chance....

I hope that tonight I can sleep on this matter and forget by the time tomorrow comes.....

Friday, 12 August 2011

Rasa sakit bila orang melamar ???

Semalam aku gi jumpa member aku ni hah... dok lepak dgn dia... Borak pasal macam2... salah satunye cite pasal hal jodoh....Mak aih... tertekan nye aku.... Just imagine lah kan....aku ni tak pernah nak berfikiran negative pasal hal jodoh, tapi naper tah, dgn dia aku emo... bukan nye aper... aku happy utk semua kengkawan yang dapat jodoh tu... kengkawan yang dah nak kahwin tu mengingatkan aku tentang umur aku... tu lah yang paling sedih tu....

Ko nak tau tak aper rasanye sakit bila orang melamar nak kahwin? Macam ramai kengkawan aku tau cerita ni, aku spend 4 tahun utk pertahankan relationship aku dgn pasangan aku dulu, tapi tak.... kene tipu hidup2... dia tinggalkan aku for another gurl... I buried myself in work for the next 9 months.  And that guy came back.

Aku bagi peluang pada dia balik pada aku, tapi hati ni kata aku tak boleh nak percaya pada dia lagi dah.... Aku mintak dia buktikan dia boleh win aku dia lamar aku lagi sekali... Pastu dapat tau dia kene berkursus for 3 months. Aku musykil and sangsi gak lah... aku ada rasa yang dia akan curang balik....

So, 3 months had passed.... Dia bagitau aku dia tak nak balik and dia nak sambung belajar.... katanye dia tak lulus so dia kene sambung balik... aku dah rasa suspicious dah masa tu... then dia start hilang2... 2 minggu sekali, 1 bulan sekali, bila2 aku call jer, dia tak nak angkat... dia kata dia sibuk, suke sangat call aku masa aku dah tido... masa tu memang dah tak boleh blah dah.

So, I took the initiative to break off dgn dia... masa yang sama, aku memang jadi orang yang serious dan pemarah... Masa tu memang  pada sesiapa yang datang kacau aku, kene maki giler2 lar.... Then, something happened lar(I think that I'll reserve that story for another blog or I'll get myself into trouble).....

Yang best about the break up tu, aku kene tuduh ada jantan lain... aku cakap benda yang benar pun EX aku tak percaya... then aku terfikir macam mana aku boleh terima lelaki yang tuduh aku yang bukan2. Yang best tu dia siap mintak nama jantan tu, tanya keje kat mana(semua detail tu ler)... and I kept everything shut to myself. So, there goes another hurtful relationship.

2 month berlalu, aku browse FB aku via BB, bila aku call phone, kekadang kalo no hp kite link pada FB orang lain, nampak orang tu nye profile picture kat dalam hp kite... My 2nd no appear profile pic ex aku... so aku pun masuk lah FB dia (konon nye nak padam no aku tu)... hmmm... tah naper tah aku bagi member aku check profile dia, and so dia browse lah ke dalam inbox mamat tu....And guess what?

Talking about ending up this relationship is painful, lagi lah sakit bila aku dapat tau EX aku menduakan aku...opss sorry, bukan menduakan, men’tiga’kan aku... Dia ada 2 org GF after dia break dgn aku... n still ada hati nak tuduh aku curang.... sebak dowh aku, terus meleleh air mataku, terdiam n terduduk aku jap....

A few days later, aku jalan kan tugas giler, aku mengantoikan EX aku tu kat kedua2 GF dia... Tujuan aku? sakit hati? marah? gila? Semuanya ada serba sedikit, tapi yang paling utama sekali, dia cabar aku utk exposekan diri dia…sapa soh wat fitnah dgn aku. Dia ingat aku takut dgn kehilangan dia... aku memang tak boleh tolerate lelaki yang kuat menipu ni.... Napalah ko nak cari jodoh, sanggup tikam menikam, curang, kejam, fitnah...? I had enough of him and he doesn't appreciate women properly...

That is why I did such so... As I gone back to my house, I remembered how I have promised to myself that I won't do that again after that insident. I kept my promise... and you know what... rasa berdosanya aku dgn tindakan aku meng’expose’kan dia yang curang tu.. However it is a lesson should be learned and shared, not to mention sacrificing my love in order to do the right thing. Sapa kata aku tak sayang... aku sayangkan dia(tipu lah kata sampai sekarang aku tak sayang dia), tapi kalo macam ni tak reti nak setia pada yang satu jer... not worth of my time and love....

Hukum karma:: padan muka aku, aku terima balasan dgn redha je lah...Aku give up... aku give up dengan mencari jodoh... everytime aku bertemu dengan sesiapa saje yang aku suke /minat... ends up orang tu jadi milik orang lain... aku give up....

Monday, 8 August 2011

Huaarrrghhh *yawn*....

OMG.... mengantuk giler ni.... dah tak leh nak blah dah hah... baru pukul 10.44am on this Monday morning ni.... Macam aku wall kan FB aku semalam, Padan muka aku nak sangat melepaskan rindu pada kopi, hamik.... rasakan... aku tak jangka 2 shots of expresso in the caramel machiatto boleh buat aku tak tido 24 hours.... ke memang dah tak lali pada "cafè" or should I say caffeine?

Huaarrrghhh *yawn*.... payah ni nak buat keje ni.... Aduhai banyak kot keje aku nak siapkan harini... tapi tak boleh nak focus deh....memacam keadaan, tapi yang ni is no exceptional.... mau nye sakit kepala nak bersengkang mata ni... aku dok pikir kul 4pg tadi boleh lah aku tido sat dalam 1jam- 1 1/2jam.... kul 4.30pg, Naza dah datang kejut bersahur... per lagi... aku pun gi makan sahur... makan cepat2 pastu cuba tido balik....masuk kul 5pg and bangun balik kul 6.30pg....

Mak aih... mmg tak cukup lah time tido aku wei....paksa gak lah badan ni gi mandi, solat, and siap2 gi keje.... sampai jer ofis, kene aircond... mmg rasa macam nak cari bantal and tarik selimut jer ni.... Tolong wey... minda aku penat ni....waaakkkk.....

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Love~? Are you sure about the terms?

Love comes as it is, neutral, pure and true, and becomes solace to people who owns it. It takes two people actually have the same feeling, or should I say simultaneously occur in two individuals emotion.

I wonder what is going on this month….. As I posted up in my Facebook profile, “Now it’s like a season of break-ups, separation and divorce amongst people around me. What’s going on & WTF, people…? Haven’t you got any balls to be a little bolder & wiser in your own relationship? Or you just think all these are just games to you? Is this what you call being an adult? Not patient enough to keep everything together? (24th July 2011)”, I’m wondering what is going on here? I understand that most of you have problems and all, but it doesn’t hurt to at least spend 5 minutes to talk and try work things out… If you let your emotions run wild, then you are no better than the person who became the reason you two broke up.

If you want to play the victim, go ahead, but at the end of the day, you know that you’ve done the most regretful thing and feeling remorseful of how the relationship ends. Try to be more grateful of what you have since you have one to keep. I know as you aged, the market goes down (I’m talking about the women)… and it goes up for the men because most eligible bachelors are to die for. They have their charms and wisdom and sweet talks, those single ladies will be mesmerized and fall to their laps instantly.

I’ve gone through a few relationships, myself, and I can say it is not as easy as it seems… It is easy to fall in love, it is easy to get into a relationship, but it is hard to keep one and sustaining it for the rest of your life. It is much harder to call it all off as it takes up a lot in you; mind, spirit and soul. There are a lot of lesson about yourself to be learned as your go through in the relationship you are in. It can either be a mirror to you or it can set differences to keep the both of you being together.

Who doesn’t want a perfect relationship? It’s ok to have arguments, silence and little foul-play. Tolerance is highly recommendable and patience is something to keep the relationship. Argument is for acknowledging each other on things needed to be improved and communication is merely a bridge on for these two individuals on have the utmost miracle thing that connects them.

Then people, whomever who has the idea of letting go a relationship, please sit down and give a deep thought…. If nothing matters, then think deeper… If you know that your relationship would not work out by the end of the day, don’t ever get into a relationship in the first place. Human hearts ~ feeling are easy to be played with, tampered and broken over and over again. Emotions are way too fragile to carry the burden of sorrows. Don’t ever give any foolish reasons for all hell to break loose.

I’m not encouraging for all of you to reconsider on all possibilities to break up with your partner, but in enduring the possibilities to end it up horribly. But if you do have to end it up, don’t ever use a pretty lame excuse of, “I can never learn to love anymore since I let him/her go; or he/she left me”, or “My parents have arranged me to be wed to… ”, or “I love you both, but I love him/her more than I love you”… Those are not a good reason to get off a relationship.
Be yourself and tell the person you are with the actual truth. “I maybe falling out of love with you, we do need time to re-evaluate our stands” are most common ice-breaker on telling the truth about how you feel. Think about it, aight……

Song from a Secret Garden

Sunday, 24 July 2011


by Syira Myra on Tuesday, April 12, 2011 at 7:47pm
Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila seorang perempuan jatuh cinta, lelaki itu tidak semestinya punya segalanya tetapi lelaki itu adalah segalanya di hatinya.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila seorang perempuan itu mengalirkan air mata, itu bukan bermakna dia lemah, tetapi dia sedang mencari kekuatan untuk terus tabah menyintai lelaki itu.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila seorang perempuan marah, memang dia tidak mampu mengawal perasaannya tapi percayalah, itulah maknanya dia sangat mengambil berat dan menyayangi lelaki itu. Lihat saja pasangan yang baru bercinta, mereka jarang bergaduh. Tetapi percayalah semakin bertambah sayang mereka pada seseorang, semakin pula banyak pertelingkahan yang berlaku.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan bercakap banyak, dia tidak pernah bermaksud untuk membuat anda rimas, tapi dia mahu lelaki mengenalinya dengan lebih dekat.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan berkata dia mahu anda berubah, itu bukan bermakna dia tidak mahu menerima anda seadanya, tetapi dia mahu menjadikan anda lebih baik, bukan untuk dirinya, tetapi untuk masa depan anda.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan cemburu dan tidak percayakan anda, bukan bermakna dia tidak sayang.. tetapi dia terlalu sayangkan anda dan masih mengangap anda anak kecil yang masih memerlukan sepenuh perhatian. Kadang2 dia terlalu risau sekiranya terlalu percaya, anda akan mengkhianati kepercayaan yang diberi. Naluri keibuannya sangat kuat. Dia hanya mahukan yang terbaik untuk anda.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan merajuk, jangan kata dia mengada-ngada. Dia bukannya mahu dipujuk dengan wang ringgit atau hadiah sedozen, tetapi cukup dengan perhatian yang boleh buat perempuan rasa dihargai.

Sam Tsui & Christina Grimmie - Just A Dream

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan jarang mengatakan ‘i love u’, itu tidak bermaksud dia tidak menyintai tetapi dia mahu lelaki itu merasai sendiri cintanya, bukan hanya hadir dari kata-kata tetapi juga melalui bahasa tubuhnya.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan kata dia rindu sama kamu, dia benar-benar maksudkannya. Apabila berjauhan, bayanganmu akan sentiasa bermain di mata.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan selalu bertanya adakah kamu rindu dan sayang sama dia, waktu itu dia benar-benar merindui dan menyayangi kamu.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan kata lelaki lain itu lebih baik dari kamu, jangan percaya kata-katanya kerana dia hanya mahu menguji kamu. Dia mahu melihat sejauh mana kamu sanggup menjadi yang terbaik di matanya. Walaupun sebenarnya memang kamulah yang terbaik di hatinya. Selagi dia dengan kamu, percayalah, walaupun perempuan menganggap masih ramai lagi yang lebih baik di matanya tetapi di hatinya, kamu tetap yang terbaik.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan menjadi degil, dia bukan bermaksud untuk menjadi degil tapi dia mahu melihat sejauh mana lelaki itu mampu bersabar dengan kerenahnya. Percayalah, hati perempuan itu sangat lembut. Andai kena caranya, jangan terkejut kalau akhirnya dia menukar fikirannya dalam masa sesaat.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Apabila perempuan berkata, “tolong tinggalkan saya!”, dia tidak bermaksud menyuruh anda pergi selamanya. Dia hanya mahu menenangkan fikirannya sebentar saja. Apabila dia kembali tenang, percayalah dia akan mencari anda semula. Itu tandanya dia benar-benar menyintai anda. Perempuan sukar untuk mengawal perasaan. Dia terlalu emosional. Tapi dialah yang paling menyayangi anda dan sangat sensitif dengan perubahan pada diri anda.

Andainya lelaki tahu.. Sememangnya Allah menciptakan lelaki dan perempuan itu dengan perbezaan yang tersendiri. Tetapi sekiranya mereka saling memahami, mereka akan saling melengkapi dan menyempurnakan . Perempuan itu diciptakan oleh Allah indah sekali. Di sebalik air matanya, tersimpan seribu satu kekuatan yang bakal menjadikan seorang lelaki itu merasa selamat bersamanya. Biarpun zahirnya perempuan itu tampak lemah tapi dia punya kekuatan tersendiri yang bisa menggoncang dunia dan mungkin bisa pula membuat lelaki menjadi lemah kerananya. Jadi hargailah kehadiran seorang perempuan dalam hidup anda kerana dia didatangkan bukan dengan kelemahan sahaja tetapi dia juga ada kekuatan untuk menyongkong anda dan membuatkan hidup anda lebih sempurna. Dialah yang bakal menjadi perempuan bekerjaya, isteri juga ibu yang terbaik untuk anak2 anda.

Thursday, 21 July 2011

5 cues that separate the dating duds from your dream dude

Finding it hard to get past your first date? Discover key elements to help you influence the chemistry that exists during this pivotal moment.

So here’s the scenario:
You’re out on a date with this guy; he’s cute, funny, charming and quite the conversationalist. At this point, you’ve also deemed him Mr. Almost Perfect because he has somehow met the requirements of your mental checklist for the ideal guy. It just can’t get better than this; the dinner setting is oh-so romantic, the music is subtle and inviting, the lighting is just right…heck, even crappy food taste great when you’re with him. You’re just too gooey-eyed to notice that for the past hour or so, your dream guy has been going on and on about how his ex left him. The fact that he even mentioned about his ex during YOUR date is a testament to this: he’s just not that into you.

1. Your date is constantly looking at his cell phone or answering text messages every few minutes or so.
Unless he is expecting a call from his parole officer, psychiatrist or mother reminding him about his curfew or to take his prescribed meds, his main focus should be on YOU and YOUR conversation. Text messages from his gaming buddies and especially his exes can certainly wait.

2. When asked questions, he gets more and more disinterested or agitated.
Have you noticed that every time you direct a question at him, his response never exceeds one or two words, or that he often responds to you with arms folded firmly across his chest, jaws clenched, nostrils flaring, eyes rolling or a sigh escaping? Well, there’s a huge chance he just wants you to shut up! Guys can be generally insensitive, but this kind of behaviour goes overboard.

3. Your date is constantly getting up from his seat.
Unless he has A.D.D., irritable bowel syndrome or red ants in his pants, there shouldn’t be so many excuses for him to get up from his seat. Visiting the men’s room is certainly excusable, but taking his cell phone in every time he visits and spending a good amount of time in there as opposed to spending that time with you is questionable. And unless your date has double-parked his car, there shouldn’t be a reason for him to get up ‘abruptly’ more than twice to spend time at the parking lot. In that case, he should have just brought you to a fast food drive-thru for dinner!

4. His eyes keep wondering about and they never settle on you. You’re probably wondering whether your date has loose eye muscles or a looser behaviour because his eyes are constantly darting about the room; staring at a group of beauties who have just walked in, or at the next table and their fabulous food. Either way, they seem to be more interesting to him than you. So don’t waste your time with this one… move on to a yummier and more deserving male-dish. NEXT!

5. He compliments you… and then compares you with his ex. Every girl loves a compliment… but not when that compliment is served with a comparison to an ex! You should be his MAIN DISH and current squeeze. You shouldn’t be reduced to a side-dish and have to compete with yesterday’s news. There’s a good reason why she is his ex. And for whatever those reasons may be, you certainly don’t want to be compared with those negative traits. It’s just degrading!

So, read between the lines, honey…and make a beeline for the nearest exit! Dating a dud is not worth your time. You’re much better than that!

Gracefully Deal with Uncomfortable Questions

Handle personal inquiries from family members with ease
By Jennifer Tzeses Posted November 30, 2009 from

When the neighborhood coffee shop starts featuring its annual peppermint latte and your favorite radio station switches its playlist to include yuletide ditties, you know the holiday season is here. But why is it that every year, instead of rejoicing about upcoming family festivities, you break out in a cold sweat? Maybe it’s because these annual gatherings bring relatives out of the woodwork who assault you with a barrage of cringe-worthy questions.
“Family members are so comfortable with one another these days, they’re no longer considerate,” says Anna Post, etiquette expert for the Emily Post Institute. “And when we let our guard down, sometimes boundaries get swept away with formalities,” she says. “When you go to family gatherings, have some small talk prepared in advance,” says Jodi R. R. Smith, owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting in Massachusetts and author of From Clueless to Class Act. “This way, when your cousin asks how you are, you won’t give her an opening to default into topics that are too personal,” she adds. Here, see how to survive the seasonal inquisition with your dukes down and your dignity intact.

1. “When are you going to get remarried?”
As if it isn’t hard enough to find a date who’ll commit, the last thing you need is to feel pressure from your family. Refrain from running straight for the exit. In this scenario, a dose of humor can help deflect the question, says Post. Say something like, “I don’t know, my crystal ball’s kind of cloudy.” This will get your point across without attacking and you’ll be diplomatic for the sake of the rest of the table. “Remove your feelings of judgment and find out why the person is asking,” says Smith. “Most likely, you’ll find he or she is just concerned about you,” she says. Instead of getting upset, ask if the person has anyone to set you up with, or if they could put out the word that you are looking.

2. “Do you really need that second slice of pie?”
Nothing kills a craving like being reminded that the treat you’re about to eat will go straight to your thighs. Little does your uncle know you’ve sworn off sweets for the past month in preparation for your grandma’s apple crumb pie. “Toss off the comment in a way that shows him he isn’t getting the best of you, says Cheryl Dellasega, PhD, author of Forced to Be Family: A Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating In-Laws. Say, “Today’s my splurge day and I’m going to have seconds.” Humor can also be a good way to mask your hurt feelings, says Smith. You might respond with, “Well, there will just be more of me to love!” If you don’t want to dignify your uncle with a response, say nothing and look at him with a raised brow; hopefully your message will come across loud and clear, says Smith.

3. “Are you planning on having kids anytime soon?”
Whether your aunt is asking out of curiosity or concern, it’s still none of her business. One great way to shut her down is to change the topic and immediately ask someone else at the table a question. “Hey, cousin Kat, didn’t you go to Jane’s baby shower recently?” This makes it clear that the topic is off limits. Or you could give her a “right back at ya” response, like, “Why do you ask?” says Post. “This will call her out in a polite way while still protecting yourself,” she says. Not to mention you’ll expose her motives for asking in the first place. Let your facial expressions do all the talking; you’re basically giving her a yellow warning card so hopefully she’ll know not to go there again. Again, humor can be a great tool for deflection, says Smith. Say something like, “We’ll let you know, but in the meantime, we’re having fun trying.”

4. “When will your husband get a better job?”
This one just defies all levels of politeness, so the best way to defuse the situation is with a laugh, says Dr. Dellasega. Respond with, “How about it, honey, when will you be promoted to CEO?” Or turn the question around on your relative with a, “Why, are you hiring?” A lighthearted response shows you aren’t taking the question too seriously, says Dr. Dellasega. If instead, your relative asks you when you’re entering the workforce again, you can say, “This isn’t something I’m talking about right now.” It’s a factual response and cuts right to the chase. If she keeps pushing, get up and leave the table and she’ll get the message.

5. “Will you ever get your kids to behave?”
Leave it to grouchy Grandpa to criticize your parenting skills. First take a deep breath and repeat, “serenity now, serenity now,” a few times in your head. Then calmly ask Gramps if he has any parenting advice for you, says Dr. Dellasega. Try not to make a scene; otherwise, it’ll start to go downhill from there. You might involve him in the solution, says Smith. For instance, ask him if he’d like to take your kids over to the couch and read them a story. This will make him feel important and will likely get your kids to settle down, too.
If you know your family’s communication style, (Grandpa always has something critical to say), prepare yourself in advance, says Dr. Dellasega. Sit as far away from him as possible, so you’re not in firing range. Another way to handle the situation is to call ahead and ask your host the agenda for the meal, what’s on the menu, what time you’ll be eating and if there is a room where your child can take a nap, says Smith. “A little pre-emptive etiquette will help you create an environment in which your child has the opportunity to succeed, not fail,” she says. For example, if your daughter’s nap time conflicts with the starting time of the get-together, you can plan to arrive a little later, just before the meal, to let her sleep so she won’t be cranky at the table.

6. “How much did your new house cost?”
Unless you’re on the witness stand, you don’t have to answer anyone’s questions if you don’t want to, says Smith. This one is no exception—you’re surely not going to announce the amount you paid for your home in front of a table full of people. If you feel comfortable, be direct and say, “This isn’t something we’re discussing publicly.” When done right, a dose of directness can be effective for giving the person a clear social cue, and he or she may respect you more for being honest, says Post. You might give the benefit of the doubt and say, “Why, are you in the market for a new home?” If the person is actually looking, you can easily transition to a related topic, says Smith. When you’ve tried everything and your nosy relative just keeps pushing for an answer, say, “I’m not sure what the final price was, but if you really want to know, you can go down to the courthouse and look up the deed.”

7. “What did your daughter get on her SATs?”
If it’s not the SATs, you can expect your cousin to compare report cards, gymnastics tournaments or birthday party venues. Respond in a light way with something like, “That’s a secret in our house,” says Dr. Dellasega. Know that your cousin is competitive because she probably feels envious of you in some way. So be the bigger person and don’t indulge her. You could also answer with a diplomatic, “We’re really proud of her, she did better than she even expected,” then change the subject, says Post. Or, if you don’t care, and your daughter feels comfortable talking about her scores, then be proud to reveal them, she says.

8. “Wow, you look really different than you did last year, what changed?”
If you know your sister-in-law has a track record of doling out backhanded comments, rather than yelling something nasty back to her, say, “Oh, I changed my shade of lipstick, do you like it?” You may have gained 10 pounds, but the last thing you want or need to do is acknowledge her snide remark, says Smith. “Any spark of anger on your part only rewards her bad behavior,” she says. Enlist the help of a trusted relative (ahead of time) to step in and save you when the tirade begins. “You can tell her to steer the conversation toward another topic, like books, movies or sports—anything that won’t elicit a personal attack,” says Post. Or you can call her out with a response that puts her on the spot, like “I don’t know, what do you think is different?” “Most likely she’ll realize you’ve called her bluff and change the subject,” says Post.

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