Monday 22 August 2011

Sam, Kurt and Tom Hanks....Yale 2011



OMG...How I love Sam Tsui's voice and Kurt Hugo Schneider talent... this is a guys whom actually enjoy their music and the talents amongst friends... Somehow, no matter what songs that they sung, his voice manage to calm me down and make my worries disappear...... How about this speech given by Tom Hanks at their Graduation Day in Yale a few weeks back.....



This is why such speech are so inspiring....I wish I could write as good as that

Monday 15 August 2011

Feeling Down and Pressure Up

People around me always seems so happy in so many ways.... Walking around with their family, friends, lover, husband, wife, children.... With smiles on their faces left me in doubt... Questions that kept on popping into my mind is: What are they thinking about? Sometimes, face-expression and body language can be so deceiving, it makes you head spin.

Today, I went out to have dinner with a bunch of friends... At first everything was perfectly fine until I've dropped one of them home, only then I realize how misarable I have been for the past days... 4days have past, still confuse with situations which has its turning point within a split of a second... People in love, a person grow out of love, girls getting engage after raya, a bunch getting married, a person is hurt, another couple ending their marriage and another ending their engagement...a person is in love with another bunch of people's relationship and another just standing on the sidelines, watching over a person that he/she love  from afar.......

Really dreadful week.... What did I get myself into.... Talking about being very disturb and craving on the sorrowness of others putting me is terrible state of patheticness...I've always said that I will always become this hideous person where I became a safety net for every person that I find myself involved with.....and each everytime I came to like someone.... he either is in or gonna be in a relationship with another girl... and always been the one that put on a smiley face and say to myself, "it's gonna be ok, I'm gonna be ok...." Yeah right....

I've always wanted to fight back and say, " Why her and not me....?" It became a tremendous pressure that it really puts a toll on my now as I looked back in time for every action that I did.... I can defy, saying I've always retreat and not pushing it(not fighting  for it).....I am tired as I mentioned before in the previous blog).....Always feel envious of other people's relationship, and stupid enough to say that what happens not doesn't matter.....

Well it DOES MATTER!!!! Hell yeah it matters to me.... I thought I had found my (guy) soulmate.... but he doesn't belong to me.... "let fate decide"? Huh.... who are we kidding.... If I don't work on it, you think God will just drop you a guy that has something on the forehead says, "I'm your soulmate"?... Not a chance....

I hope that tonight I can sleep on this matter and forget by the time tomorrow comes.....

Friday 12 August 2011

Rasa sakit bila orang melamar ???

Semalam aku gi jumpa member aku ni hah... dok lepak dgn dia... Borak pasal macam2... salah satunye cite pasal hal jodoh....Mak aih... tertekan nye aku.... Just imagine lah kan....aku ni tak pernah nak berfikiran negative pasal hal jodoh, tapi naper tah, dgn dia aku emo... bukan nye aper... aku happy utk semua kengkawan yang dapat jodoh tu... kengkawan yang dah nak kahwin tu mengingatkan aku tentang umur aku... tu lah yang paling sedih tu....



Ko nak tau tak aper rasanye sakit bila orang melamar nak kahwin? Macam ramai kengkawan aku tau cerita ni, aku spend 4 tahun utk pertahankan relationship aku dgn pasangan aku dulu, tapi tak.... kene tipu hidup2... dia tinggalkan aku for another gurl... I buried myself in work for the next 9 months.  And that guy came back.



Aku bagi peluang pada dia balik pada aku, tapi hati ni kata aku tak boleh nak percaya pada dia lagi dah.... Aku mintak dia buktikan dia boleh win aku balik...so dia lamar aku lagi sekali... Pastu dapat tau dia kene berkursus for 3 months. Aku musykil and sangsi gak lah... aku ada rasa yang dia akan curang balik....



So, 3 months had passed.... Dia bagitau aku dia tak nak balik and dia nak sambung belajar.... katanye dia tak lulus so dia kene sambung balik... aku dah rasa suspicious dah masa tu... then dia start hilang2... 2 minggu sekali, 1 bulan sekali, bila2 aku call jer, dia tak nak angkat... dia kata dia sibuk, suke sangat call aku masa aku dah tido... masa tu memang dah tak boleh blah dah.



So, I took the initiative to break off dgn dia... masa yang sama, aku memang jadi orang yang serious dan pemarah... Masa tu memang  pada sesiapa yang datang kacau aku, kene maki giler2 lar.... Then, something happened lar(I think that I'll reserve that story for another blog or I'll get myself into trouble).....



Yang best about the break up tu, aku kene tuduh ada jantan lain... aku cakap benda yang benar pun EX aku tak percaya... then aku terfikir macam mana aku boleh terima lelaki yang tuduh aku yang bukan2. Yang best tu dia siap mintak nama jantan tu, tanya keje kat mana(semua detail tu ler)... and I kept everything shut to myself. So, there goes another hurtful relationship.



2 month berlalu, aku browse FB aku via BB, bila aku call phone, kekadang kalo no hp kite link pada FB orang lain, nampak orang tu nye profile picture kat dalam hp kite... My 2nd no appear profile pic ex aku... so aku pun masuk lah FB dia (konon nye nak padam no aku tu)... hmmm... tah naper tah aku bagi member aku check profile dia, and so dia browse lah ke dalam inbox mamat tu....And guess what?



Talking about ending up this relationship is painful, lagi lah sakit bila aku dapat tau EX aku menduakan aku...opss sorry, bukan menduakan, men’tiga’kan aku... Dia ada 2 org GF after dia break dgn aku... n still ada hati nak tuduh aku curang.... sebak dowh aku, terus meleleh air mataku, terdiam n terduduk aku jap....



A few days later, aku jalan kan tugas giler, aku mengantoikan EX aku tu kat kedua2 GF dia... Tujuan aku? sakit hati? marah? gila? Semuanya ada serba sedikit, tapi yang paling utama sekali, dia cabar aku utk exposekan diri dia…sapa soh wat fitnah dgn aku. Dia ingat aku takut dgn kehilangan dia... aku memang tak boleh tolerate lelaki yang kuat menipu ni.... Napalah ko nak cari jodoh, sanggup tikam menikam, curang, kejam, fitnah...? I had enough of him and he doesn't appreciate women properly...



That is why I did such so... As I gone back to my house, I remembered how I have promised to myself that I won't do that again after that insident. I kept my promise... and you know what... rasa berdosanya aku dgn tindakan aku meng’expose’kan dia yang curang tu.. However it is a lesson should be learned and shared, not to mention sacrificing my love in order to do the right thing. Sapa kata aku tak sayang... aku sayangkan dia(tipu lah kata sampai sekarang aku tak sayang dia), tapi kalo macam ni tak reti nak setia pada yang satu jer... not worth of my time and love....



Hukum karma:: padan muka aku, aku terima balasan dgn redha je lah...Aku give up... aku give up dengan mencari jodoh... everytime aku bertemu dengan sesiapa saje yang aku suke /minat... ends up orang tu jadi milik orang lain... aku give up....

Monday 8 August 2011

Huaarrrghhh *yawn*....



OMG.... mengantuk giler ni.... dah tak leh nak blah dah hah... baru pukul 10.44am on this Monday morning ni.... Macam aku wall kan FB aku semalam, Padan muka aku nak sangat melepaskan rindu pada kopi, hamik.... rasakan... aku tak jangka 2 shots of expresso in the caramel machiatto boleh buat aku tak tido 24 hours.... ke memang dah tak lali pada "cafè" or should I say caffeine?

Huaarrrghhh *yawn*.... payah ni nak buat keje ni.... Aduhai banyak kot keje aku nak siapkan harini... tapi tak boleh nak focus deh....memacam keadaan, tapi yang ni is no exceptional.... mau nye sakit kepala nak bersengkang mata ni... aku dok pikir kul 4pg tadi boleh lah aku tido sat dalam 1jam- 1 1/2jam.... kul 4.30pg, Naza dah datang kejut bersahur... per lagi... aku pun gi makan sahur... makan cepat2 pastu cuba tido balik....masuk kul 5pg and bangun balik kul 6.30pg....

Mak aih... mmg tak cukup lah time tido aku wei....paksa gak lah badan ni gi mandi, solat, and siap2 gi keje.... sampai jer ofis, kene aircond... mmg rasa macam nak cari bantal and tarik selimut jer ni.... Tolong wey... minda aku penat ni....waaakkkk.....