The feelings grew even stronger and I hate that feeling....

Hmmm... where do I begin?
I had fun going for the holiday trip with a bunch of friends....
It was merry and happy and jolly and .... Summing it up....it was wonderful....
Too bad that I do not have any pictures to share with you just yet since I requested for one of my friends to take pictures for them in this trip......

Anyway.... As everything goes well, I find myself not being able to express myself in words.... Last night was the climax of this whole trip, suddenly urges of sad feeling, upset, and  numbness sinks in. I was OK at first when one of my ex agents came by to join. As soon as he went home, it struck me... and suddenly I was feeling a gush of emotions holding me on a standstill. I set my self to the side, sat on the pavement, looking out to the sea.... Waves of tides coming in... My mind wondered around...

At that point on, I was having a monolog and 'what if' moments inside my head... I remembered that I was actually visualizing the possible scenario when it comes to stand up and voice out about how I actually felt for this one guy. I hate saying this but I really thought I was having a irrational crush on the guy....and then something happened and everything changed. As normal and used to be, I walked away and never looked back. There were a few hiccups here and there, arguments and misunderstandings, but it was manageable.

I thought I'm over it.... I thought it was done.... I thought I had already convince myself that thing would never ever be the same that I have to move on....But boy, was I wrong about that. The feelings grew even stronger and I hate that feeling....