Monday, 12 September 2011

Whirlwind Experience

The Cary Brothers - Belong

Second day of Raya....*sigh*... I had to make the call... I had to call off the whole friendship/couple situation and finally made a stand of declining my ex from playing around my feelings. I wonder, what would men gain from having a lot of girlfriends / scandals despite of they know that these girls would get hurt in the end? What for? Why? I refuse to get into such unhealthy relationship with whomever who has the intentions on having multiple-relationships simultaneously. And I was definitely out!!!!!

Then, on the Fourth day of Raya...came along another individual into my so-called "arena"(attention).... Gave all these ideas of wanting a lot of things, wanting an open relationship... shared a lot of ups and downs within 3-4 hours conversation....What a "Whirlwind Experience"....

*Sigh*... I find it entertaining, stable and clicked with him instantly....What a dreamy situation I had myself into and it was too good to be true.... very surreal... If I were to have a checklist about my type of guy, this individual would definitely have the most demands that I wanted. Closing to a week old, this so-called friendship is hard to describe, almost poison-like, nonetheless calling it a relationship....!!

When a week has past, I felt slowly that I've been ignored.... I was advice by a couple of close friends quite sometime ago, saying that "you should test this guy, have him a little run for his 'money'", or "you should confront him for his intentions..." or "better ask him how he feels about this situation..." They pretty well know that I despised testing other people, confronting or asking directly how he felt about anything.

*Sighing sadly* Finally I've faced my fears and come to know, I had just walked into a door as it comes back hitting me on the face....Wow... nearly melodramatic and very hurtful feeling. Despite embarrassment and pain, it was a little too much for me to handle. This is where voices came into my head saying, "I told you so".

'You are not mine to begin with....You are not mine to begin with....' kept on pounding in my head.... How much I hate using those words..... I hate this feeling, being insecure, uncomfortable and a handful of painful emotions..... Too easy to fall for the inevitable..... That's it... I'm not going to waste my time and feelings over something/someone which is not mine....

There....!!! I've said it.... I've finally found the answer that I was looking for, it does in a way hurt me.... but honestly speaking....I'm glad that I am able to find out about it sooner.... Better than later on, then it would hurt me even more.... Damn!!! Damn!!! Damn!!! Why was I caught up in this mess in the first place??

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