A little something, something...

Sorry guys for not posting for several weeks now... As all of you have known, these past couple of weeks I was quite sick, a bit delusional due to the high fever and bad cough. I even lost my voice. Some say it was troublesome to actually listen to every word that I say since I was literally whispering to them.

Thank god that I manage to rebound out of the sickness, gain back my voice and try to move on with my life day by day. I can say that my days were full of ups instead of downs. I totally have my share when things doesn't fall into place, I got isolated... I thought I could hide it until somebody actually come up and ask me of it. I didn't realize that it was that obvious to their naked eyes.

Oh well, it was a part of the daily experience. I can't force everybody to like me. As my dad always reminded me, "keep an arm's distance from your friends"... I can relate to what he is trying to teach me, and I bet you daddies out there can relate to this.... Most dad will remind their child/children that they are not going to be here forever, correct each mistakes you made, protect you from harm and heal those broken hearts. But they'll teach you how to be firm, wise/intelligent, loving and street smart... You may not like the idea of having strict parents, but they'll be the voices in your head until the day you die and will always keep you grounded.

I cannot even imagine without them or loosing neither of them. While I was ill, I sat down with my dad, going through my meds and doing some catching up, out of the blue, comes the big question.... Have you found a suitor for yourself? Looking into his eyes, I was quite certain he is worried that his only daughter will not be settling down anytime soon... Nothing much for me to say really except for "none so far, find for me one*chuckles*"... Pitiful, right... Anyway, I can't believe that he still ask about Razman and all.... Speechless from my side.

Moving on:: As soon as I was well, I was completely, utterly hopeless and broke...Not to mention, how much I missed singing whenever I was down and pathetically lonely... Yes, people... Lonely!!!! It is not a crime to admit oneself is lonely, all of the sudden. I do have a strong feeling that I am not at all good at keeping my man(if I ever to get one)...Anyway, everyday is a new start... and I want to spice up my life a bit... So, the word change is so yesterday, people.... Re-vamp is more likely. 

Honestly speaking... I have completely no idea where to start....Any ideas, guys?

Playing by ear....? Kidding is it?

I was just browsing through the You tube and came across this piece, "Wang Lee Hom - Ni Bu Zhi Dao De Shi", piano by Ray Mak.... somehow moved me. I know that I can never play a song this good on a piano without a sheet to read....Hmmm, I miss playing so much..... It has been so long since I'd played, a lil out of practice....

This is another song played ny Ray Mak, the song "Wedding Dress -  Taeyang" it is also a song which soothes me....The chords looked easy, until he got into the 1st verse.... when he reached the Chorus and Bridge.... the song is so moving, it just to me awe and completely gaga over it....Props to this man for coming up with the arrangements for all the song he played....

Kalut.... kalut...

Dah lah kene tag... jumlah orang yang mengikut tak de lah seramai 11 orang... tapi hentam saja lah

Ni antara rules nya:

•Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their jurnal.
•Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create eleven new questions for the people you tagged to answer .
•You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them to the post .
•Go to their page and tell them you have tagged him/her .
•No tags back .
•No stuff in the tagging section about you and tagged if you are reading this, You legminately (aka really,trust with all honestly) have to tag 11 people .

11 things about myself:

1. Typo error(as always) whenever I type using my Blackberry

2. Fun, loving, cute and easy to go along with(hehehe ^_^)

3. I am a sucker for things concerning ...(fill in the blanks)

4. Being the safety net /  a shoulder to cry on for my friends are never easy; but

5. I'm not a stingy person when motivating others during their down times

6. Did I mention lately I keep on falling on my knees(Gosh, that is not a pretty scene)....CLUMSY!!!!

7. I simply love, love, love sushi and lots and lots of wasabi

8. Tend to make all sorts of special effects and sounds when I know I'm stressful....

9. I love to drive, karaoke, and hanging out with friends 

10. Definitely Cappucino Macchiatto on a go, people

11. I am kind of an abuser.... because I am on FB, BBM and YM all the time... Hehehehe

11 questions by ::Mr Iqhwan:: needed to be answered:

1.-bpe kali anda trhempas enset anda?

* A lot.. lost count already

2. -pernah bnpk antu x?

* You know the answer

3. -pernah senyum sorg2 x? (mcm skrg..haha)

* Ahhh... don't flatter yourself, chump....

4. -bju taun lps kaler ape?

* A lot, take your pick

5. -tahukah kamu tasik Galilee hampir kering?

* Yes... googled it up already

6. -tahukah kamu bahawa zaman Mesolitik,Neolitik & segala tik tik tu X WUJUD & juga sbnrnye AGENDA barat?* And also yes.... thanks to an anonymous person whom posted the clip in FB

7. -hari sabtu adalah hari non plastic day..betul atau salah?

* Correct

8. -tadi bangun tido pukul bpe?

* Morning? 7-ish....

9. -kamu ada insuran x?

* Nope, why, want to sponsor me is it? Hehehe

10.-pandai melukis x?

* Definitely not, i can only draw stick figures or better known as hangman

11. -ada bela kucing x?

* Yes... a few actually.... nah.... a lot ....

11 questions you are required to answer:

1. What was your ambition when you were a kid?

2. Everybody has a wishlist, what was your no 1 wish?

3. Are there any funny(kelakar) memories that you can still remember until now?

4. Have you tried eating raw oysters before?

5. Do you play any sorts of musical instruments?

6. What was the last book you read?

7. Who would be your biggest idol?

8. What's your favorite quote ?

9. Give me a piece / verse of a song and its title that came into your mind now.

10. Which type of music do you listen to mostly? Pop, ballad, techno, musical, etc(answers can be more than one)

11.Do you have any birthmark on you?

These are my selection of people:

mizaham 

^ Uncle Syaf ^ 

k.a.s.i.h.s.y.u.r.g.a

RaUhAh 

Fais Azlan

Husni Zakaria

Cik Bulan

Sherrif of Notthingham

Atul Hafizatul

Nurimah aka Imah

::MrIqhwan::

Damn......

Damn it.... Just because of one stupid argument, she would rather siding that guy than keeping her nose clean from my fucking issues....hah..."this is great, this is wonderful" *sarcastically*.... this is the "beautiful life".... What more do I want except for making enemies with everybody.....*Sigh*

I do have issues with myself, so what....it's not like people  give a damn about me.....they just have their own lives to live in their own terms....*scoff*....

You once told me that I have issues of not able to see other people being happy.... And why would I do that? So clouded, with all the drama and arguments and upsetness, you forget the very base thing, I don't have to explain everything to you about how I feel regarding things...

I have never asked you why you don't like the friends I'm befriended with.... I have NEVER judged and critizised about the lifestyle you're having.... You can say that I am all heavy about friendship that sometimes it scares the shit of everybody.... You may kinda know the idea what I went through when I was a kid... but not the exact way I felt for all those years... So please don't.... This is the only way I know how....

I have every right to choose and dismiss any of my friends when any of his/her action affected me... I have never ever choose to unfriend you under ANY circumstances, it totally broke me apart when you choose to unfriend me instead regardless when I told you not to intervine and walk away....

You want a direct answer regarding him, right... Here is my answer, he doesn't deserve your friendship when he can't even keep one....An honest true friend will tell you good and bad of things. If he is a 'true' friend / companion, he will respect you as others would and not use you as some sort of a tool to him.... He can be pissed at me all he wants, he has to also  have to reconsider that if he were to be in my shoes, what would he feel when he really wants to keep intouch with this friend of his for all these years has purposely been ignoring him, won't he feel hurt about it...? (Don't give that bull saying he has no time, I'm just a phone call away)....

True, "tak menyusahkan langsung"......true, I sounded emotional.... but it is NOT TRUE that everything is about you....true, he has done no harm to me.... But it is NOT TRUE that it is NO HARM to my best friend, that is definitely the issue here...

Please FORGIVE me for the misunderstanding, SORRY for those stupid arguments, but I'm NOT SORRY for any of my actions....please respect that I chose to be this way, and I think it's for the best for the both of us (him and me).....Loosing me won't affect him on a slightest bit, trust me, I know.... 

P/S: Talking about being selfish.... I do sound like I'm the bad guy here, I'll admit to that.... but please stop hurting her this way.

No Sleep???!!!!

Babah's Birthday is in a week's time, and I don't even know what to get him..... There are times where I sat down by myself and look up at the sky, thinking how peaceful it is... It has been a long time since the last time I've ride a plane...I really wanted to board a plane and go off for a trip, on a holiday..... I really think that for these past few weeks, I have been stressful and under pressure...

Not to mention, Alhamdulillah, it has been so long since the last time I encountered of those "medium-thingy".... Until recently... Came in the dark, during times that I was about to go to sleep..... figured like a man, I can only see it is in black figure, not able to see it's face...I realized that my heart pounded very hard each time I encounter this thing.... *scaaaa-ryyy* I have always kept Him in mind, never to loose sight, pray to him for comfort......

This song is by Wang Lee Hom - Xin Tiao.... I felt it is speaking how I'm doing right now... I hope as time past on... I'll heal too...

My Prayers ~ Enraen Haferr

I hope you find your way tomorrow
I wish you well and have a safe journey home
I wish for the best on facing your obsticales
I pray for your success in life
"You can do it...Good luck.... I'm all the way with ya", somehow fate will be on your side
No matter how hard it is, you will know people will always have faith on you....
I know you can.... I know you can....

For every beginning must come to an end
And every ending enters there must be a paraphrase of new beginnings
But I know my prayers will not stop until I see you succeed
I must come to an end to make way for your new beginning
Watching from afar, I know you are in good hands
I will always be here within a single prayer...

~Enraen Haferr

The feelings grew even stronger and I hate that feeling....

Hmmm... where do I begin?
I had fun going for the holiday trip with a bunch of friends....
It was merry and happy and jolly and .... Summing it up....it was wonderful....
Too bad that I do not have any pictures to share with you just yet since I requested for one of my friends to take pictures for them in this trip......

Anyway.... As everything goes well, I find myself not being able to express myself in words.... Last night was the climax of this whole trip, suddenly urges of sad feeling, upset, and  numbness sinks in. I was OK at first when one of my ex agents came by to join. As soon as he went home, it struck me... and suddenly I was feeling a gush of emotions holding me on a standstill. I set my self to the side, sat on the pavement, looking out to the sea.... Waves of tides coming in... My mind wondered around...

At that point on, I was having a monolog and 'what if' moments inside my head... I remembered that I was actually visualizing the possible scenario when it comes to stand up and voice out about how I actually felt for this one guy. I hate saying this but I really thought I was having a irrational crush on the guy....and then something happened and everything changed. As normal and used to be, I walked away and never looked back. There were a few hiccups here and there, arguments and misunderstandings, but it was manageable.

I thought I'm over it.... I thought it was done.... I thought I had already convince myself that thing would never ever be the same that I have to move on....But boy, was I wrong about that. The feelings grew even stronger and I hate that feeling....