No Sleep???!!!!

Babah's Birthday is in a week's time, and I don't even know what to get him..... There are times where I sat down by myself and look up at the sky, thinking how peaceful it is... It has been a long time since the last time I've ride a plane...I really wanted to board a plane and go off for a trip, on a holiday..... I really think that for these past few weeks, I have been stressful and under pressure...

Not to mention, Alhamdulillah, it has been so long since the last time I encountered of those "medium-thingy".... Until recently... Came in the dark, during times that I was about to go to sleep..... figured like a man, I can only see it is in black figure, not able to see it's face...I realized that my heart pounded very hard each time I encounter this thing.... *scaaaa-ryyy* I have always kept Him in mind, never to loose sight, pray to him for comfort......

This song is by Wang Lee Hom - Xin Tiao.... I felt it is speaking how I'm doing right now... I hope as time past on... I'll heal too...

My Prayers ~ Enraen Haferr

I hope you find your way tomorrow
I wish you well and have a safe journey home
I wish for the best on facing your obsticales
I pray for your success in life
"You can do it...Good luck.... I'm all the way with ya", somehow fate will be on your side
No matter how hard it is, you will know people will always have faith on you....
I know you can.... I know you can....

For every beginning must come to an end
And every ending enters there must be a paraphrase of new beginnings
But I know my prayers will not stop until I see you succeed
I must come to an end to make way for your new beginning
Watching from afar, I know you are in good hands
I will always be here within a single prayer...

~Enraen Haferr

The feelings grew even stronger and I hate that feeling....

Hmmm... where do I begin?
I had fun going for the holiday trip with a bunch of friends....
It was merry and happy and jolly and .... Summing it up....it was wonderful....
Too bad that I do not have any pictures to share with you just yet since I requested for one of my friends to take pictures for them in this trip......

Anyway.... As everything goes well, I find myself not being able to express myself in words.... Last night was the climax of this whole trip, suddenly urges of sad feeling, upset, and  numbness sinks in. I was OK at first when one of my ex agents came by to join. As soon as he went home, it struck me... and suddenly I was feeling a gush of emotions holding me on a standstill. I set my self to the side, sat on the pavement, looking out to the sea.... Waves of tides coming in... My mind wondered around...

At that point on, I was having a monolog and 'what if' moments inside my head... I remembered that I was actually visualizing the possible scenario when it comes to stand up and voice out about how I actually felt for this one guy. I hate saying this but I really thought I was having a irrational crush on the guy....and then something happened and everything changed. As normal and used to be, I walked away and never looked back. There were a few hiccups here and there, arguments and misunderstandings, but it was manageable.

I thought I'm over it.... I thought it was done.... I thought I had already convince myself that thing would never ever be the same that I have to move on....But boy, was I wrong about that. The feelings grew even stronger and I hate that feeling....

Good Luck ol' friend!!!!

Hmmm.... I feel that this life of mine is almost complete(**key word: almost...) .... However...it was a bit weird that last night I have been approached by Anonymous asking me to keep myself away from a friend that I knew....Reason:: Need to prep him for some big exam....  It is reasonable for that person to say such things as some of the explanations do make a little bit of sense.... And I also smell threat coming from this person eventhough he/she meant well and doing his/her job as my friend's mentor...
Yeah, whatever it is that this person asking for, he/she better have all the cheats and tricks up his/her sleeves as big time guidance needed to be given... I do, I really do respect the wish that he/she is asking for but don't stress and break my friend apart for the exam that he/she wants him to pass...

As a friend, just a reminder for myself::

"Be not selfish of things or what you do. Be reasonable and understandable of situations that just maybe a day I come learn and acknowledge why it had happened in the first place."

To my friend who is facing his exam, Good Luck! I believe you will make wonders and you know whatever the result is I still have your back...k....Don't forget to smile and put those worries away,k.....

There goes my money....

It all happened on Friday(16th Sept 2011).... 1st auntie came down to stay with us for a few nights for a gathering that we had...My mom and I had already planned it out to recite the Yassin and perform Tahlil amongst my aunts and uncles during the 'kenduri'.... most of the invitees came and helped out. As soon as 1st Auntie came here, I knew it's gonna be trouble.... I had already planned out my offer to decline the idea of going shopping, and it looks like she took it hard.

And so..... the 'Kenduri' went well... everybody goes home with a big smile on their faces.... I can vouch to say on behalf of them, I was impress my mom tend to 'open up the house' this year with a event such as this..... And I was happy that events like this should be arrange more offen. Anyway....everybody was already tired, and went to bed early.....

The next morning came.... I thought that I could at least sleep a little while.... then my mom came in, woke me up and ask me to do her a favor~that is to take her sister out for shopping spree...Vaguely i remembered she saying, "Why do you refuse to sent her?"...and I said, "I hate the sight of massive extraordinary jam in town"..... this is where hell starts.... one thing that I can't really refuse, when mum have that urges to ask,instruct or beg to do something abnormal....I was unhappy and upset, but it was my mom's wished, so I obeyed.....just imagine that waking up to a 4.30am sleep and waking up at 8.40am.... Groggy!!!

Moving on.... went out at 10.40am.... reach another town to pick up my other Aunt....we left her house at 12pm to go to One Utama.... the ridiculous thing about this auntie.... she is a big 'Slowpoke'... everything is according to her time.....As we reached OU, we went down to eat and then starts to shop.... We went to Parkson on the New Wing, then had food in 'Just Thai'....in between time... my 2nd Auntie was on the phone most of her f*cking time and forgot that she is actually out shopping with us.... Grrrr....
Then, my 2nd auntie told me that we are going to an open house and need to wait for her friend(whom will be coming from Melawati)....we waited for her friend about 1 1/2 hour and ending up cancel the trip... giving reasons that the jam was massive and unable to attend.... my 2nd auntie was also undecided to go for the open house, just that she hadn't had any clue how to get there... the instructions were a blur....So I drove to the address given...

Stayed there for a while and head back to my 2nd Auntie's house.....As we dropped off my 2nd Auntie... my 1st Auntie was determine to go back to OU to catch a movie.... And so we headed back to OU...My 1st Auntie had gone down for prayers and I was left at the movie to buy the tickets.....took the 11pm to catch 'Fright Night 3D'....

As I was waiting for her in such grogginess.... I was running a lot of things through my head... I thought I wanted to cancel the movie trip, send her back and go out again to watch it with one of my friends....I blew her off on several occasions and things that I can't really explain why was in this hell-hole...Shared the idea with my 1st Auntie, and she was not please... kept on rambling about "...I want to...", "...as we planned, remember?", "...I wanna stay and watch it with you..." shit...And so I played along...We went to watch the movie, by the time we came out, I was already feeling sleepy and lousy....we head back to our house and I thought that was it....

And so, this morning I thought I wanna sleep in for the day and start it out a little bit later.. but no..... she came in early to wake me up to request a trip to TAR road....there and then I said that I'll just go through with it... We arrived there at 2.30pm, had lunch and set for the streets...So, the day's event was ~ so-so... followed her around and to find hijjabs and material for 'Baju Kurung' was unbelievably mental....as I mentioned before... A woman, When it comes to shopping, if she were to be sick can instantly recover from her sickness...Goodness.... Alhamdulillah I'm not like that....

We came home at 6.30pm and set for dinner at 8.30pm....went to Papparich in Tmn Sri Gombak... came home at 9.30pm... and guess what? As I was about to park her car, the gear was in 'P' mode...I can't push the car manually, and I went back into the car, with my right-leg dangling outside the driver-side door to put it on 'N' mode.... I didn't know what happen, the gear goes to 'D' and the car starts to move.... Damn!!!! I lost control of the car, and scratch her car at 3 sides, the front driver's door, the middle and the back door at my brickwall gate...(it was a bloody Honda City for crying out loud..... Damn!!!)

All I heard was the friction of the car and my auntie's voice saying, "No!No!No!what did you do...?What have you done?"...Yadda Yadda Yadda... all the rambling starts again...I kept on apologizing....but the thing I heard was "My car!!" Err, hello.... foot outside of the door here...I remembered once upon a time, when I had that kind of accident, the first thing my parents ask was, "are you ok?"... *Sigh*

I don't know what to say....really..... I just walked up to my mom and told her I was so sorry about what had happened...Trembling and shaky, I walk to my room slowly and never I had imagine that there goes my money again....

Whirlwind Experience

The Cary Brothers - Belong

Second day of Raya....*sigh*... I had to make the call... I had to call off the whole friendship/couple situation and finally made a stand of declining my ex from playing around my feelings. I wonder, what would men gain from having a lot of girlfriends / scandals despite of they know that these girls would get hurt in the end? What for? Why? I refuse to get into such unhealthy relationship with whomever who has the intentions on having multiple-relationships simultaneously. And I was definitely out!!!!!

Then, on the Fourth day of Raya...came along another individual into my so-called "arena"(attention).... Gave all these ideas of wanting a lot of things, wanting an open relationship... shared a lot of ups and downs within 3-4 hours conversation....What a "Whirlwind Experience"....

*Sigh*... I find it entertaining, stable and clicked with him instantly....What a dreamy situation I had myself into and it was too good to be true.... very surreal... If I were to have a checklist about my type of guy, this individual would definitely have the most demands that I wanted. Closing to a week old, this so-called friendship is hard to describe, almost poison-like, nonetheless calling it a relationship....!!

When a week has past, I felt slowly that I've been ignored.... I was advice by a couple of close friends quite sometime ago, saying that "you should test this guy, have him a little run for his 'money'", or "you should confront him for his intentions..." or "better ask him how he feels about this situation..." They pretty well know that I despised testing other people, confronting or asking directly how he felt about anything.

*Sighing sadly* Finally I've faced my fears and come to know, I had just walked into a door as it comes back hitting me on the face....Wow... nearly melodramatic and very hurtful feeling. Despite embarrassment and pain, it was a little too much for me to handle. This is where voices came into my head saying, "I told you so".

'You are not mine to begin with....You are not mine to begin with....' kept on pounding in my head.... How much I hate using those words..... I hate this feeling, being insecure, uncomfortable and a handful of painful emotions..... Too easy to fall for the inevitable..... That's it... I'm not going to waste my time and feelings over something/someone which is not mine....

There....!!! I've said it.... I've finally found the answer that I was looking for, it does in a way hurt me.... but honestly speaking....I'm glad that I am able to find out about it sooner.... Better than later on, then it would hurt me even more.... Damn!!! Damn!!! Damn!!! Why was I caught up in this mess in the first place??

Sam, Kurt and Tom Hanks....Yale 2011

OMG...How I love Sam Tsui's voice and Kurt Hugo Schneider talent... this is a guys whom actually enjoy their music and the talents amongst friends... Somehow, no matter what songs that they sung, his voice manage to calm me down and make my worries disappear...... How about this speech given by Tom Hanks at their Graduation Day in Yale a few weeks back.....

This is why such speech are so inspiring....I wish I could write as good as that