A letter to you

This is my diary... I can say whatever I want to say.... but the thing is... despite of whatever that I say here, jauh kat sudut hati, saya mmg tak bermaksud nak menyakiti sapa2.... I miss you... I miss you so much... but instead, I get this silent treatment from you.... which is not fair at all.

I know that this is "some sort of a relationship", and I cannot demand anything from you like other couples do... However, I do have a heart and emotions.... I know what I'm getting myself into here when I agreed with you with this arrangement(engage)... but don't abandon me without a word.... we promised not to keep it from each other if one of us are ready to move on... right?

I can ignore what complications that you may face, mengharapkan sume settle dgn eloknya....When you are ready to come back, I'll be here...Insyallah, I will.... Jangan gi jauh2.... I can't stand to be apart from you...

**Cewah, berjiwang aku kat sini...Tak de maknanye... this statement I found in my diary a long time ago... masa I was with one of my ex(s)...Actually, it was a letter that was never sent... Masa zaman2 rebeh emosi bergantung harap dgn janji2 palsu... Anyway... bila baca balik... terasa kelakar giler....Last2, aku kene tuduh pompuan bodoh sebab asyik kene tipu jer....

Aku dah move on and happy with my life now. I wish him all the best and best of luck to marry the girl of his dreams(clearly it was not me). I hope he can understand the reason I needed him to keep away from me.....Bottom line is:: I'm amazed to myself sebab boleh buat statement bodoh macam ni time emo dgn dia ....Hadui**

Grrrrrrr

Aku tak tau lah kan... harini aku ada rasa kesentapan sikit laa.... I just wanna say that this best friends of mine.... aku faham dia tak cukup rehat sangat2.. yang buat aku tak paham tu... naper nyer dia boleh diam, mamat tu pun membisu.... pastu bila both dah tak de aper2, pandai lak cari aku kan.... ikut suke laa... "aku memang suke jadi alat utk korang"... "Aku mmg suke sentiasa jadi orang yang memahami, tapi bukan difahami".... "aku pun ada kala perlukan attention dia...tapi seolah2 aku tak diberi peluang pun...." Ye laa... sapa lah aku ni... asyik nak faham orang jer....Penat aa macam ni....

I've never felt so stupid in my life....

Aku cuba nak faham sesuatu lah kan.... naper aku rasa macam biasanya perempuan sentiasa diperkotak-katikkan... ada kala perempuan dibuli...? Sungguhpun perempuan ini nama seakan2 insan yang lemah, ada je yang boleh dikatakan setaraf dgn lelaki..... Boleh jer bersaing n berlawan dgn lelaki.... kerja pun boleh buat side by side dgn lelaki.... Tapi still , lelaki masih nak jadi two faced dgn perempuan.... bosan.....

Aku bosan dan benci dianggap sebegitu... we don't f*cking have psychic/telepathy powers, ok....we can't read your mind... sama gak dgn korang, kan... kalo kitorang tak cakap, korang tak kan faham.... korang dapat tangkap buat tak sure betul ke tak....?

Ko cuba fikir, kitorang ni sentiasa nak kena paham laki2, kene telan semue perangai baik buruk diorang.... bila kite harap yang sama.... bukan dapat support yang sama... ada yang siap lari lagi... rasa macam nak sepak2 jer...yang penting communication, kan? dah tu communicate laa... ni tus diam jer.... aper daa.....

Aku tak mengatakan semua sebegitu, segelintir sebegitu. Ego tu nak besar.... Di mana ada kalanya tak adil bagi perempuan. Susah sangat ker nak cakap terus terang, "I'm seeing this girl", atau "aku tak nak ko, aku dah ada girlfriend" atau "aku sayang pada ko" atau "aku rasa ko perlu ko back-off sikit, aku rimas".... ni tak... tup2 tus hilang...

Telan jer laa... serap jer laa... aku boleh katakan sapalah aku nak katakan begitu.... lepas ni, buat hati kering jer.... aku nak spend time pun tak boleh, alasannye... aku kene faham dia... aku kene sabar dgn dia... aku kene be selective with the guys' attitude... sampai bila? Memula tu kata kompromi... ni bukan kompromi namanye... ni one-sided completely..... mmg aku rasa macam dipergunakan.....Aku akui laa... aku mmg rindu kat dia... aku mmg nak jumpa dia... tapi aku yang agree to this arrangement, layan kan jeeee.....


Daa dulu.......

"Kanak-kanak Ribena"

For the past few weeks, it has been a whirlwind experience. Finally I felt myself running the show again. Our team had welcomed a member of the "order" and that was the joyous day of my life.

I didn't know what to expect out of this person,  I've got a  saying that "she is a tough cookie, she's great and stern, she's a fast learner"... that was not an issue to me. My main  concern is... will she be comfortable enough to feel welcomed by the whole room.

Sound blared up and there was havoc in the office. I see people rounding up at the corner of the room. I felt weird. Walked in and there they were. The two of them.... Oh, I forgot... the other team also add a new team member.  What I can say is... "WOW" when you put these two girls together.... all the fun and bubbly character emerges. It gave a positive energy in the air.*I like* Tetiba rindukan IBM 19.....

I hope I can just maintain this energy so that the surrounding would have a good enjoyable environment for these people to work in.... *now I feel like crying with joy*

Updates about my so-called Emotions!!!!

This past weeks, I have been roaming around town just to revisit all the places that I have been before this. Bukit Bintang, Ampang, KLCC, TAR Road and Chaokit Road are just some of the places that I've been to.... the furthest that I've gone to such as KLIA, LCCT, Putrajaya, Kajang, Bangi, and some parts of Shah Alam....My goodness, I never thought that the road can be so compact and hectic. Nowadays, I travel to work which will occupy about 2 hours of my time to and fro.... I do feel like I'm going back to my home town in Dong, Pahang.

Moving on....

"Sehari kurasa sebulan
Hatiku tiada tertahan
Ku pandang kiri
Ku pandang kanan
Dikau tiada
Risau...." ~Jeritan Batinku, P Ramlee

I've been receiving a lot of invitation on weddings, friends, close relative, family, long distance friend, collegues, ex-collegue... you name it, I received it all. I thank you all for sending those invitations, and there are some that I was unable to go, my deepest apologies. I just couldn't cope with a lot of pressure.... What? What do I mean by pressure...? Having people coming up to you and asking you about getting married, the lucky fella and all those crap.... I would have to just say, I would have to gather a lot of strength to actually face the music and the crowd. Going through those moments makes me feel more desperate to find a suitor. Bugger!!!!!

I wish I have more to say... I wish I was as good as before.... as it was when I wrote "Coffee Theory about Self-Reflection!!!" created on "Saturday, May 16, 2009 at 5:59pm"....Until then... I have to brush up making-my-homework skills and  gather more information in order to write something as good as that.

37 fakta menarik mengenai lelaki(Dari Pandanganku)

Mu baco dulu pastu mu komen... hok betui tok kesemua yang dihabaq kat bawah ni tentang laki?

1. Lelaki biasanya tidak terpikat terhadap wanita disebabkan mereka cantik, tetapi mereka lebih mudah terpikat terhadap personaliti dan ketrampilan seseorang itu.
2. Lelaki amat bencikan lelaki lain yang cuba untuk menggoda kekasih mereka.
3. Apa yang sedang awak lakukan? atau Awak dah makan ke belum? adalah merupakan soalan paling kerap akan ditanya ketika mereka menelefon seorang wanita.
4. Lelaki akan sibuk dengan pekerjaan mereka sepanjang hari, tetapi sebelum tidur, pasti mereka akan memikirkan mengenai wanita yang mereka benar-benar sayang.
5. Apabila lelaki benar-benar sayang terhadap seorang wanita, mereka akan mengabaikan semua karakter negatif yang ada pada wanita tersebut.(**Betul ker?)
6. Lelaki akan membuat seribu satu kesimpulan sekiranya seorang wanita senyum kepada mereka.
7. Lelaki sanggup melakukan apa saja untuk mendapatkan perhatian daripada seorang wanita.
8. Lelaki amat benci apabila wanita menceritakan mengenai kisah bekas teman lelaki mereka.
9. Seorang lelaki mampu menyukai wanita untuk seminit, kemudian terus melupakan mereka.
10. Apabila seorang lelaki bersedia untuk berjumpa ibubapa kekasih mereka, ini menunjukkan mereka benar-benar serius.(**Betul ker?)
11. Lelaki juga akan menangis.
12. Lelaki akan lebih untuk berusaha memikat wanita yang menolak cinta mereka, ini adalah kerana mereka sukar untuk menerima kekalahan.
13. Jangan sesekali memberikan mereka mesej tergantung seperti “Ada sesuatu nk bgtau awak ni…. erm… tapi takpela”. Mereka akan membuat seribu satu andaian dan akan berusaha untuk mendapatkan jawapan.
14. Lelaki akan teruja apabila mendapat sentuhan yang tidak diduga.(**Kat mana tu?)
15. Lelaki akan menjadi gagap apabila bercakap dengan wanita yang mereka suka.
16. Apabila wanita menyatakan tidak, hati lelaki akan menyatakan ‘ok…. takpe…. cuba lagi esok..’
17. Lelaki amat sayang ibu mereka.
18. Lelaki sanggup mengorbankan makan tengahari mereka semata-mata ingin memberikan wanita beberapa kuntum bunga ros.
19. Lelaki amat sukar untuk difahami melainkan anda seorang pendengar yang setia.
20. Adalah lebih baik anda menguji seorang lelaki itu terlebih dahulu sebelum mempercayainya. Tetapi, pastikan ia tidak mengambil masa yang terlalu lama.
21. Lelaki lebih bersikap terbuka untuk menceritakan hal peribadi mereka.
22. Lelaki amat suka apabila wanita yang menentukan pemakaian mereka.
23. Lelaki tidak suka kekasih mereka mempunyai hubungan dengan orang lain terutamanya kawan lelaki.
24. Apabila lelaki membelikan hadiah kepada wanita, mereka amat risau sekiranya hadiah yang mereka berikan tidak disukai.
25. Lelaki lebih banyak berfikir.
26. Imaginasi lelaki tiada had. Mereka mampu untuk membayangkan apa sahaja.(**Scoff**Tell me about it...)
27. Ketinggian wanita adalah tidak penting, apa yang lebih penting adalah berat mereka.
28. Sukar untuk lelaki untuk melepaskan kekasih mereka terutama apabila sudah bercinta melebihi 3 tahun.(I don't totally believe this statement...most of the liars)
29. Lelaki tidak sukakan wanita yang materialistik.
30. Lelaki memiliki semangat yang kuat untuk berubah dan ianya perlu sokongan yang kuat daripada kekasih mereka.
31. Apabila lelaki menceritakan sesuatu yang serius, berikan perhatian yang sepenuhnya. Ia amat penting.
32. Lelaki lebih gemarkan wanita yang pandai memasak.
33. Jangan sombong, kerana ia akan membuatkan lelaki berusaha untuk memalukan anda.
34. Lelaki belajar mengenai cinta melalui pengalaman, bukan seperti wanita yang belajar mengenai cinta melalui novel yang mereka baca.
35. Lelaki paling tidak suka kekasih mereka keluar bersama lelaki lain berdua walaupun hubungan mereka hanya sekadar kawan.
36. Lelaki akan memaafkan kesalahan yang pertama dibuat, tetapi bukan untuk kesalahan yang kedua.
37. Lelaki tidak suka wanita yang terlampau mengada-ngada.(**Statement yang paling tak masuk akal... ada gak yang suke coz for them is challenging.... something for them to experiment, trying to change a life)

Rasanyer betul ker aper yang mereka habaq ni?

Books... Books.... Oh How I Miss 'em....

Hmmm...It has been like forever since the last time I blogged in. Well today it was a better day than other days, for me... The sky was a bit cloudy, not to mention the environment was a bit laid back. Now I found myself a bit more relax doing (whatever that I'm doing) in the office...

As strolled from page to page on the 'www', it has taken me back to my past reading materials. I came across a few remarkable authors along the way... Sidney Sheldon, Deepak Chopra, Mitch Albom, Dan Brown, Cecilia Ahern, Harriet Evans, and JK Rowlings together with Nicholas Spark books, these are my most favorite authors of all time. Mind-boggling, I must say.

It has always fascinated me as I have always wondered how these people do their home work before starting to write books. I have watched a documentary on JK Rowlings as she reeling the watchers her 17 years work on ending the Harry Potter chronicles. It is amazing when you watch them and listen to how they answered each and every question for the documentary, using big chunk of words that you don't even know exists in the dictionary.

Another author that I admire most is the late Sidney Sheldon. I read this one book called "Tell Me Your Dream"(1998), it is about three young women Toni(outgoing singer and dancer), Alette(sweet and shy artist) and Ashley(workaholic) have nothing in common, and yet 'sticks' together. Ashley became very paranoid of herself, until one day she got arrested by the police on charge of murder. Well, might be she was wrongfully accused. For those who haven't ready the book, I'm not giving away the surprise, you would have to read it yourself, kay...tee hee hee... The storyline was so interesting, it had me gripped to the book. This 363 page book took me 1 full day to finish it, when it usually takes me about 3 days to finish. Hats off to the ol' man I'd say.

 

The other book that I have read was "Tuesdays with Morrie"(1997) by Mitch Albom. This story is interesting because how the writer describe his bond with his former retired professor, Morrie Schwartz. Basically this is a memoir of the beloved professor. The writer wrote that contacted his professor after one night when he sees Morrie being interviewed television. Morrie has a deteriorating terminal disease. He was already in a wheelchair. And so, the writer sets back to where Morrie was in his last few months and spends time with him. He is yet to discover that there are a lot more that he needs to learn. One quote that I love most from this book, 'Quoting Morrie's favorite poet, W. H. Auden, he insisted to "love each other or perish"'.

 

I also remembered my dad and I use to read together "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams (based on Creating Affluence)" by Dr.Deepak Chopra book, when I was thirteen, fourteen years old. The material is as heavy as the title. As you all know, being a teenage is like all-hell-break-loose between parents and their kids. Somehow, my dad was able make me see things in different perspective and make me understand more about life. Books were definitely the ice breaker to my adolescence years as reading kept me grounded.

Each of the books that I've read are precious to me, it taught me to open my eyes widely and understand how world have impacted each and everyone who reads. It takes your mind into imagining things, places, in other words an open door to all possibilities. Anything is possible by reading.